Sailor Moon belongs to Naoko Takeuchi and assorted others. I have
never claimed to be one of those assorted others, and I'll never do
that, unless I develop some kind of mental illness in which I lose
track of reality. That hasn't happened just yet, so, do not sue.

Note: *(little fishy)* is solely a separator and has no strange hidden
meaning.

Diatribe (on a Monday morning)
by narie_the_waitress
(PG, some colorful language to make things look more realistic.)

*(little fishy)*

	"Before you say anything else, allow me to introduce myself.
My name is Doitsu Kaigi and, as you will undoubtedly hear from the
first person who approaches you after you leave this office, I do not
believe in the Sailor Senshi or magic of any kind. My theory is that
they are a publicity scam for something or other, and that one day
we will finally be told what it is they are trying to sell us. Until then, I
shall remain a skeptic. And yes, I am aware of the fact that they
have been fighting for four years, and that it is a rather long time for
a marketing campaing, but the year 2000 is getting closer, and you
never know what kind of thing to expect from those Americans.
Damned Americans, as I like to say. Always out to take over the
world. Well, they will see, if they try... I learned everything I needed
to learn about them from the war, and that was more than enough!

	"It is interesting to see that you have no look of utter dismay
on your face, or of shock, or countless similar others I've been faced
with. Indeed, that is something in your favour. As you know, all of
your work will go through me, and should I find any unnecessary,
patronizing references to Sailor Moon or any other so called magical
girls, I will edit them out of your article. If after hearing that you still
want to work with me, then all the better. I will be honest with you,
you come highly recommended to us from your former employees,
who still cannot find a reason as to why you left their company so
suddenly. Nevertheless, it will indeed be a pleasure to have you
working under me, should you choose to accept.

	"Oh, yes, of course, I will gladly answer any questions you
might have. What will your job consist of, you ask? I'm surprised you
are not aware of that; you look like a rather competent person.
Nevertheless, your job here would involve investigating these so
called Senshi sightings and battles, and gathering evidence to prove
the fact that they are not magical heroines, but something much
more simpler. Anything you write will then, as I have said, be edited
by me, and then published in the morning edition of our newspaper.
I know there is no need for me to tell you that this is a very stressful
job; I am aware of the fact that you have had enough experience
with newspapers to be able to determine that yourself. Not only that,
but most Senshi sightings occur in the afternoon or evening, and the
article will need to be published the day after, which means that you
will have to write it that same night/morning, before the evening
edition is sent to print. It's quite a task; you will find yourself
sleeping during the day time and working at night. You will pull more
all-nighters than you did when you went to university.

	"And yet you remain calm and unshocked. That is rather
unsettling; any other employee of mine faced with the same
prospect would have commented rather loudly on the impossibility of
this project. Although, as I said before, your reactions are in your
favour.

	"Good. So that is understood. Any other questions, asides
from the one that I know you will ask at the end of this interview?
No? Then we can move onto the real heart of the matter, right? Why
I don't believe in magic, or in the Sailor Senshi.

*(little fishy)*
damnant quod non intelligunt
they condemn that which they do no understand
(and now we return to our story.)
*(little fishy)*

	"Magic does not exist. It is something from our imagination,
our answer to the unknown once we turn away from the more
traditional religions that deny everything but their own gods. There
are religions and religions and among one of them falls magic, which
is nothing but an illusion, a way of ensuring our eternally sought
happy ending; it is nothing much else but another way of bringing
god from the machine, of finding god in the machine, if you will.


	"Miracles aren't real, superheroes aren't real. Nothing but
childhood illusions in the corner, that are shattered with the first hint
of maturity and reality. Why people refuse to accept, to let go, is a
mystery to me, but I don't like to indulge in a search for the answer
too often. It's simply not worth my time; to search and find out that
I already knew everything that I found at the end, and that therefore
it was a completely pointless search.

	"People accuse me of being stupid sometimes. some other
times, of being blind, of being nothing but a stubborn old man who
refuses to see past his outdated beliefs. 'Just because you don't
believe in magic, Kaiji-san,' they'll say, 'it doesn't mean that it's not
there. You have to look hard and you will see that you are wrong,
that it IS there.' You obstinate old fool, they all add to themselves in
silence.

	"But they fail to see that even if I am an obstinate old blind
fool, I am better than them all, because at least I am _old_, unlike
them, blind children, and have managed to see past that thick shell
of stupidity they call magic.

	"Allow me to explain, before you counter my argument, as
you will undoubtedly do. You have remained silent until now, so I
imagine that you are building up one powerful counter argument in
your head. Nevertheless, let me provide you with this hypothetical
case. Let's suppose that in a different universe from ours, in a
alternate plane, there is magic. Magic is a way of life, and you can
throw blasts of energy to defend yourself.

	"And now suppose that some evil, omnipotent force
threatened to take over this parallel plane. Would you fight for the
life of your planet wearing a short skirt? Would you shake a rattle at
your adversary as your ultimate attack? Would you yell 'Pink Sugar
Heart Attack' and expect the magic to come flowing to you, to feel
its energy, intoxicating in its might, coursing through your body for
one instant, and then leaving your hands?

	"I wouldn't. Because the notion of seeing a pink heart of pure
energy leave my hands is one every adult should ignore.

	"And yet they don't. Like children in front of a toy store, they
will stare at any flimsy scrap of image tossed at them by the
benevolent media. They will buy, and they will sell, and they will
stare, and they will praise, and never once think about the plain lack
of. everything about these Sailor Senshi. There is no information
about them, asides from very scarce facts reported by the few that
have seen them; three or four fuzzy videotapes of them, in which
nothing can be seen but human figures covered with static. Nothing
about them. Nothing to make them real to us. I've been told by
some 'believers' that such a thing is what makes them so attractive.
They're mysterious, and damn, they sell toothpaste much better
than any flashy commercial will, in any case. Damned Americans.

	"These Senshi, they appeal to the child inside us, but that
does not mean they are real. They are simply like the fantasy
kingdom we all played in. An illusion, brought forth from the
kindgom of dreams, from Never Never Land, from Elysium."

	He got up, and started pacing around the room, looking at the
person seated in the chair in front of the desk. He moved his arms
quickly, using them to emphasize his point, gesturing violently, his
mouth contorning itself into almost grotesque shapes as he
continued his denunciation of the power of magic, and of the
stupidity of those around him. His eyes were focused on the
emotionless face in front of him, in all of its sheer smoothness and
beauty, flanked by long, languid hair.

	"I think there is a line we have to draw. A little child can
believe in Sailor Moon; you cannot deny them that, but only because
they know no better. But grown adults should not do it. I do not
dispute the fact that they have seen a girl who dones a sailor suit
and goes around shaking a rattle, but there is a brutal difference
between that and believing that said girl posesses vast magical
powers and that she has saved countless individuals from certain
death. Not only that, but she even dares presume that she has saved
this planet from oblivion. and not once, but thrice! Thrice! Can you
see the sheer stupidity of the thing? How can a puberty-stricken girl
save a planet from... what was it, again?"

	The person in front of him supplied him with the answers,
eyes glistening with some undescribable amusement.

	"Oh, yes, thank you very much. The Dark Kingdom. The
Doom Tree. The Black Moon and the Death Busters. I was wrong.
She's saved us from death four times, not three. Yes, indeed she
has. Of course she has.

	"Do you see my point? The absurdity of the situation should
give it away. I can't understand what people see in it that makes
them believe it all, what kind of skewed logic they use. I fail to
understand that. Maybe you fail to understand my point. Maybe
you're here to tell me that I am wrong, that I am nothing but a
foolish old man, and in that case, rest assured, you will not work
here for long. No, indeed you won't. However, I have faith in your
abilities," he glanced down at the folder in front of him, and
pronounced the woman's name. "I believe you will be a great asset
to our newspaper. So long as you don't turn out to be one more of
those simpletons who believe in magic."

	Having finished his long speech, he returned to his leather
chair, some sweat beads visible in his forehead. Letting himself
collapse onto the chair, as opposed to sitting on it, he looked at the
one in front of him expectantly, awaiting her reaction. The woman
took her time, searching in her mind for just the right words to say.
She was a creature of few words, but she had to make sure
everything worked out the way it was supposed to. A single mistake,
and she would die, having broken the laws that bound her to duty.
She had to be very careful now, dancing around the invisible threads
around her, and making sure that everything went as it was
supposed to, and not wrong.

	"Oh, no, Doitsu-san. I completely agree with your views. I do
not believe in the Sailor Senshi either, which is why I am so
interested in the position you are offering me. Magic is something
that can't exist. It goes against every law of physics and of nature
that I have ever studied, and I also fail to see what draws people to
it so much. I am curious, but I remain a complete skeptic. Until
someone presents me with definite, hardcore, irrefutable evidence,
and I do doubt that will happen anytime soon." The woman moved
her head and calmly nodded at the man in front of her, her long,
dark green hair and her dark red eyes shining.

	"Well, then, Meioh-san. I am pleased to hear what you have
to say. You have gotten yourself a job. I hope you will be able to
shed some light on these so called lemure and Senshi sightings.
Good luck, and it has been a pleasure to meet you. I hope to see you
tomorrow morning here, yes? I am quite formal about punctuality."

	"Oh, Doitsu-san, that shall be no problem, I can assure you.
None at all. Time has always been something of much concern to
me."

	And Meioh Setsuna-san, newest employee of a normal
evening-newspaper in Tokyo shook hands with her new employer,
and then smiled professionally and left his office. She thought back
on her cryptic words. They weren't all that great, or encouraging, but
as soon as the old man started believing that indeed, she was an
ally, she was someone who shared his belief, things would move a
bit more towards the right path, and not towards all the other wrong
options that she had glimpsed many times while gazing out in
longing from her solitary post at the Time Gate.

	And Doitsu-san puzzled over that last comment of hers for a
second and then returned his attention to his mundane task of
uncovering the truth behind the Sailor Senshi.

*(little fishy)*

	And it shouldn't surprise all that many people that a year and
a bit after Meioh Setsuna started working for Doitsu Kaiji, the Earth
was accidentaly frozen by something unknown (but evil), and laid
dormant for 1000 years, until the Neo Queen Serenity woke from her
sleep and in her desperation used her Silver Crystal to bring
Endymion's planet back to life, along with Endymion himself.

	And when she got the bright idea of turning Earth into a
Utopia; an idea that had come from Sailor Pluto more than from
anyone else (and she had been pretty adamant about the whole
Crystal Tokyo thing), there were people who resisted the cleansing
her crystal offered. And through some wise political moves, they
were soon viewed as dangerous; as enemies; as people who couldn't
be trusted, and so they hid in the darkness of anonimity until it came
to the point where they were being hunted down by angry mobs. Not
like Serenity endorsed or aproved of any of this, but it happened
nevertheless, and so Serenity decided to use her power, and offered
them all a choice, because she did not want her city to turn into a
modern version of all those 20th century cities where crime had
prevailed too much.

	The city itself, Crystal Tokyo, new heart of the Earth, wasn't
all that bad. It was clean, it was green, it was crystalline, it was
shimmering, and it was nothing short of an architectural nightmare.
But it came with a high price, the cleansing of the crystal, and some
people just weren't willing to pay that much.

	And so they were told that they either acceped the crystal or
got to live in a hell-hole type of rock that was quite a long ways
away from the Earth.

	Of course, these people, they weren't told that the place was
a hell-hole. They were told that they either accepted the crystal or
got the hell out of the planet. No other choice. Sorry, you either take
it or you leave. We don't want no sorry criminals running around the
city of crystal.

	And among the first people to decide that they'd rather
migrate than be turned into mindless automatons (well, that's what
they said, anyhow) was a wrinkled old man; energetic, who hobbled
around with his wooden cane, barking commands and harsh words at
those around him. And of course this old man was called Doitsu Kaigi
(who was very angry with that treacherous vixen, that Meioh woman
who had betrayed him and suddenly started believing in magic), and
of course he spent those last days on Earth with an image of utter
disgust etched on his face, and spent his days writing pamphlets
about how the Americans were behind this, and how there was no
such thing as magic, damn it, and why didn't people know better
afterall, the bunch of sorry idiots that they were, blind idiots,
mindless little children, good for nothing adults, that wouldn't know
some common sense even if it came around and bit them in the ass.

	And then, on a previously agreed upon morning, they all
gathered on what used to be the park where Tsukino Usagi and
Chiba Mamoru had spent their afternoons, and lovely, magnanimous
Serenity got her crystal out, and with help of her Senshi, who loaned
their energy to her, she teleported all those "social rejects" to the
previously agreed upon planet.

	And yes, indeed, when they came to they were sitting in the
hell-hole rock known as Nemesis. And yes, of course they grew
damned bitter about that particular fact, because, damn it, these
were people who might not have believed in magic, but they
believed in blue skies, and green grass, and the sun, and they had
nothing of that here, but instead lived in a dark rock that floated
through empty space, always guided by the invisible hands of its
true master, a most unfriendly fellow who went by the name of the
Doom Phantom and who wrapped all of those skeptic people into his
own tools; seeding magic into them. And when the time was right,
he took advantage of them all, and sent them all off to their deaths,
with the help of his avatar, the Wiseman, another most unfriendly
fellow, nothing much more but rags and bones and treachery.

	And all of that just because of a Monday morning diatribe.

*(little fishy)*

As to the whole weirdness of the story, well, not everyone needs to
believe in magic, do they? And I'm sure there were people who
opposed the coming of Crystal Tokyo, people who most likely ended
up in Nemesis, and who most likely had been denying the existence
of magic ever since it became news. so, there you have it.

Since I was feeling puny when I started writing this, Kaigi means
doubt, scepticism, disbelief. It seemed to fit. I still think it
does.

Feedback of any kind, is, as always, encouraged. Specially cookies.

Narie
Brazil, Feb 28th, 2001.

bakanarie@hotmail.com
www.envy.nu/bakanarie/