*Pray God you can cope. *I stand outside this woman's work, *This woman's world. *Ooh, it's hard on the man, *Now his part is over. *Now starts the craft of the father. We had defeated Galaxia. Usagi was safe... and married. Michiru and I had laid the past to rest, moving forward, never speaking of my slip with Usagi. Though Usagi was always on my mind, I had to move on with my life. We had decided to have a child of our own. Over twenty thousand dollars and two IVF attempts later we had been pregnant. True, the money hadn't been as major an obstacle as it could have been, thanks to Michiru's violin performances, not to mention what I was able to contribute from my racing winnings. And, of course, it hadn't *actually* been me who gave her the child, but she had so wanted to have a child of her own. And this baby, this extension of our love, would be just as much mine, even if I had physically done the deed. Three months of morning sickness and six months of shopping. At least she loved to shop. We were five, almost six months along, when Usagi had announced she was getting married. Two weeks after the wedding, she announced they were expecting. Usagi and my love spent *hours* shopping for the new additions. At least Chibi Usa would have a "sibling" is all they were giggling about. I have to admit, when I saw that pink plus sign... my heart dropped through the floor. Me, a parent. Me... a parent! She just started crying. I did as well, ok? I know, I know, me cry? Yeah, I did. But, the impact, the *reality* of this situation didn't hit until three weeks later when we went for the first appointment. They did an ultrasound. And, up on a little screen was our baby. So tiny, and growing *inside* her! Amazing. We had come home from that so full of wonder, not knowing what was waiting for us at the end of this journey. We had decided to wait and be surprised about the sex of the child. I fetched her water, held her hand while she was over the toilet, rubbed her back, I was at such a loss. My part had been done and over with, as far as I had seen it. I was the male role in this relationship and now she had fully taken on the female role. She was going into territory I would never and could never enter. I was so proud of her and I had such respect. I remember when she started to show. She is a slender girl by nature, so she began to show in the middle of her fourth month. Just a gentle swell, and I hadn't really noticed. Not until I woke up in the pre- dawn light and saw her looking in the full length mirror in our room. She was nude, standing so she could view her profile. The gentle light spilling in, the quiet, and that beautiful look of serenity on her face. She was gently cupping her belly, her hair spilling over her shoulder. She was beautiful. I had seen a part of her I had never known had existed until that moment. I watched her softly talk to our child, promising a loving home and a bright furture. *I know you have a little life in you yet. *I know you have a lot of strength left. *I know you have a little life in you yet. *I know you have a lot of strength left. We painted the nursery in pastel shades of purples and blues, gender neutral. Hotaru had happily put up the playful animal border around the room and Setsuna had done her baby duty by child proofing the house. I went and purchased a new car, a beige mini van. My love had laughed when I brought it home, loaded down with disposable diapers, plastic bottles, and stuffed animals. It had been at a Senshi picnic (I know, lame, but Usagi was the one to name it!) when Usagi had made her announcement of her impending motherhood that Michiru had first felt the baby kick. We all had taken our turns to place our hands on her bulging womb. Everyone felt our baby kick. I was in awe. That night, I laid on her belly, my ear to her bellybutton, my hand on the side of her belly, just feeling her breath and the baby gently stretching and moving. I was jealous, just a bit. I was so curious to know how it must have felt to feel this life grown, to mature inside her body! I fell alseep, cradled in her arms and close to our child. One night around two in the morning, just beginning her seventh month, she awoke in pain. The sheets had spots of blood and I was scared. She was crying and saying it was too soon. I called the doctor, woke the house, and the four of us got into that laughed at mini van and drove quickly to the hospital. She was rushed in and that was the last I was saw of her until ten a.m. when a nurse came in and said they were able to prevent the labor from progressing any further, and Michiru was resting comfortably in her room and would have to remain there for 3 weeks. I breathed my sigh of relief and entered her room. *I should be crying, but I just can't let it show. *I should be hoping, but I can't stop thinking Big, sad blue eyes awaited me. "Haruka, it's too soon." The tears came. "I know." I walked swiftly to her and held her in my arms. Too soon. "They stopped it, though, Michiru. You have to stay here for a few weeks, just until we're sure everything is ok." She nodded into my shoulder and I felt her relax. A few moments later, I heard her gently snore. I laid her back and just watched her. Then I cried. Three weeks later she was discharged, with strict orders for bed rest. I made sure she was confined to that bed and only got up to use the bathroom. We all took shifts taking care of her. Usagi came over to keep her comapny and we threw her a baby shower in the bedroom as well. I was so careful with her. We stopped making love and just held each other. Our baby was active and kicked so much. We went to all the doctor's appointments and did everything right. And since we had done everything right, why is it ending like this?! *Of all the things I should've said, *That I never said. *All the things we should've done, *That we never did. *All the things I should've given, *But I didn't. We woke up this morning at nine to her having contractions. She was within 2 weeks of her due date, so I wasn't as worried as I had been the first time. We got our suitcases, Hotaru said she would call everyone and meet us at the hospital. As we were walking our the door, Michiru cried out. I turned around and saw a stream of blood start it's course down her leg. I picked her up and carried her the van while Hotaru threw the suitcases in the back. I bit my lip as I drove like mad to the hospital while Michiru wept beside me in pain and fear. "I love you, Haruka," she whispered. She was almost white, blood staining the seat and floor beneath her, her eyes droopy. I pressed that accelerator, begging any god to make us fly. "Everything will be ok, Michiru. Don't worry." I was so scared. What was happening? She was a Senshi, shouldn't that count for something? Why did we have this destiny? Why did bad things happen to good people? I got her to the hospital and I followed them as far as the operating room door. The nurse told me I had to wait for them to stablize her and would I be kind enough to go and fill out some forms at the front desk? I filled out the forms. I walked the halls. I heard her screams, I could feel her pain and fear. And that brings me to now. *Oh, darling, make it go, *Make it go away. *Give me these moments back. *Give them back to me. *Give me that little kiss. *Give me your hand. Michiru had always wanted to go to Paris with me, so we had gone after the Galaxia battle. But, she had also wanted to tour America and Europe. Was it wrong that we put it off? The morning kisses. Hot showers. The long drives we would take. Watching her paint. Oh, when we found out we were pregnant. The plans, so much had happened. So much had been left behind or forgotten. Until now. The tickle fights with Hotaru. Cooking lessons with Setsuna. Usagi's shopping trips. Lazy, warm nights when the group of us would get together and sit in the backyard sipping tea and chit-chatting. Only now do these things come to mind. As well as all the things that have yet to be and the things that I had done wrong. Yelling at her, our spats about my racing, Hotaru's upbringing, the car, the chores I didn't do when she asked, the stress of our relationship, the I had with Odango... That was just the tip of the iceberg. God, please, keep her safe. We can always make another baby, but I can't make another Michiru. *(I know you have a little life in you yet. *I know you have a lot of strength left. *I know you have a little life in you yet. *I know you have a lot of strength left.) *I should be crying, but I just can't let it show. *I should be hoping, but I can't stop thinking The nurse comes out. "Tenou-san, the baby is in breech. This was unexpected since the baby was not due yet. They must operate, they fear for your wife's safety if they do not." And that was it. The nurse walked back in. Michiru, I know you can do it. I know you have the strength. I know you. I also know that any child of yours would have that same strength and desire to live! "Live, Michiru. Live..." My voice cracks. My Michiru. My baby. My loves. It takes you being in so much trouble that I know now how much the baby means to me. Watching it grow within you, marveling at you both. You must live! I go to the waiting room and wait. An hour later the others arrive. Mamoru-san and Odango, Mako-chan and Rei-chan, Minako-chan and Ami-chan, Hotaru and Setsuna... my family. All of them, my family. The tears spring to my eyes. *Of all the things we should've said, *That were never said. *All the things we should've done, *That we never did. *All the things that you needed from me. *All the things that you wanted for me. *All the things that I should've given, *But I didn't. "Haruka-san, Michiru is so strong, and your baby will be as stubborn as you!" Usagi says to me. I smile at her. My mind still can't help but think the worst. I was still thinking about all the what ifs and all the regrets. I should have been nicer to Michiru when we first met. I should have said what was in my heart, not speak my pride. I should have trusted her. She had needed me. I had needed her. But, I had never really let her in. Even now, there is space between us. All the words I had said could wait, all the trips, all the moments, all the time I had just taken for granted. She had wanted me to start playing the piano again. I had said there wasn't enough time. She had wanted me to start racing again, I had said I wouldn't worry her like that. She had wanted me to further my education, I said it wasn't worth it. She had wanted so much for me and I had just dismissed it. I should have given myself to her unconditionally, I should have given all I was to her, but I had held back. I don't know why, but now I am so afraid I won't have the chance to make it right. "Michiru," I softly whisper. "Give me a chance." I will be a loving father, I will be an open and faithful partner, I will be all that she wants for me and I will give her all she needs from me. Just give me the chance! *Oh, darling, make it go away. *Just make it go away now. "Tenou-san?" I look up. The nurse walks toward me. This is it. Are they ok? Are they alive? Is my love alive? Do we have a baby? "Your wife would like to speak with you." I nod and follow the nurse. I trust Michiru. If we had lost the baby, she would want to tell me herself. I walk in and sit down next to her sleeping form. She is so pale, but her face is relaxed. I gently touch her cheek and she slowly opens her eyes. "Hey," she says. "Hey," is my lame response. I kisses her forehead. "Are you ok?" She nods. "Haruka," she smiles slightly at me, "it's a girl." I look at her. A girl. We have a girl! Me, a parent. Me, Tenoh Haruka, a dad! The nurse brings me my daughter. She has tufts of pale blonde hair, bright green eyes, and a button nose. She squeeks at me as I take her. She smells amazing. I look to Michiru, the tears spilling down my face. "We have a daughter! Kaze?" She nods and I look down at our daughter, "Kaze, a gentle breeze in our lives." The tiny hand grips my finger, so small... And Michiru laughs at me! --- End Part Ten ---