*Deliver me, out of my sadness.
*Deliver me, from all of the madness.
*Deliver me, courage to guide me.
*Deliver me, strength from inside me.

Usagi felt jostled, abruptly waking from her drug induced sleep.  The
cool silence of her dreams was taken from her.  Crankily she opened
her eyes, faced with Mamoru's grunting face.  It took her a moment to
realize what he was doing, and when she did she was horrified.  Just
as she was going to yell at Mamoru, he finished and fell limp against
her.

And she felt a warmth spreading in her.  He had not worn protection.
He had not respected her wishes to ensure another pregnancy would not
occur.

"Mamoru!" Usagi shrieked.

He looked up, startled.  "Usako."  He removed himself from her,
rolling off to his side of the bed and sat up, taking his glass of
water.  "I'm sorry.  It won't happen again."

Usagi stood up quickly.  "And what if I become pregnant?!"

Mamoru slammed his glass down.  "Dammit, Usagi, I would like a child!
I would like Chibi Usa!  It was terrible, yes, I know.  I am sorry we
lost the baby.  But, it was not Chibi Usa.  I want to intimate with
you, I want us to have the bright girl we knew in the past.  Usagi, I
want our lives to continue!  It has been over a year!"  Mamoru stood
and snatched his pants, slamming into the bathroom.

Usagi sat on the bed, Mamoru's seed setting it's course for her womb.
She knew she was pregnant.  The moment she had realized what he was
doing.  Tears filled her eyes.  This was too soon.  Yes, over a year
ago she had lost the baby.  She had thought something was wrong, she
knew she was to found Crystal Tokyo shortly *after* finding herself
pregnant.

The pregnancy had been hard.  Visions and sleepless night, pain and
fatigue.  By the middle of her fourth month, Ami had found there was
no heartbeat in the child in Usagi's womb.  The terror and sadness had
been so suffocating.  She had lost Chibi Usa.

But she was wrong.  It was a boy.  A heart defect.

She was forced to deliver the dead baby.

*Deliver me, loving and caring.
*Deliver me, giving and sharing.
*Deliver me, the cross that I'm bearing.

At the time, Usagi had felt it was all her fault.  She had yet to feel
as if she had made atonement for her infidelity to Mamoru.  
Depression, anger, and a loathing of sex had overcome Usagi after her 
body had recovered.  She only made love with Mamoru when she had to, 
and she took no pleasure in it.  She also made sure Mamoru wore 
protection.

She did not wish to become pregnant.

The months went by.  Usagi stayed in bed, just staring at the 
bassinet.  The one time Mamoru tried to remove the child's bed, Usagi 
flew into a rage.  She wanted to remove it when she was ready.  Just, 
not yet.  Mamoru had allowed it.

At the one year mark, Usagi went out with the Inner Senshi and Mamoru 
removed the bassinet.  He heard of it for weeks.  She ranted and 
raved, determined to hold onto the fringes of that baby.  Anything but 
admit it happened.  She refused to speak with him, locking the bedroom 
door against him.  She didn't come out for a week.

Mamoru dove into work.  Rei came by daily to check on Usagi, but Rei 
would confide in Mamoru that she feared for Usagi's mental health.  
So, they took her to a doctor Ami had recommended.  That doctor had 
given Usagi some pills, and they helped so much.  Usagi went once a 
week for sessions and took her medication regularly.

Grasping the sheet to her bare chest, Usagi cried.  She felt so alone 
and so... helpless.  She knew she could abort the child... but she 
knew she would not.  Could never do that.  She wrapped her arms around 
her waist, the fear spreading like cold lead in her bones.

She felt frantic.  She felt needy.  She needed someone.  She jumped 
out of the bed and ran to the closet.  There she search through the 
clothes, snatching out jeans and a shirt.  The shirt, she noted, had 
been a gift from...

Haruka.

Usagi picked up the bedroom extension and dialed the number she knew 
but had never called.

*All of my life I was in hiding.
*Wishing there was someone just like you.
*Now that you're here, now that I've found you,
*I know that you're the one to pull me through.

Usagi sat on the beach, the cool salt air cooling her heated skin.  
She had her arms wrapped around her, rocking slowly, staring at the 
vast ocean.  'Oh, to be a wave,' she thought.  Just to have the 
ability to roll with the wind, to feel free and unbound.  Her chin 
trembled again, the tears threatening to flow.

"Koneko-chan."

Usagi whirled around.  There stood Haruka... Usagi's heart skipped a 
beat.  The wind ruffled her hair, the eyes tormented pools of green.  
Lack of sleep showed in Haruka's features.  She had, after all, a one 
year old to chase after.  A stab of jealousy ran through Usagi, 
tempered immediately by the knowledge that Kaze would soon have a 
playmate.

"Haruka-san."  The tears spilled.

Haruka closed the distance between them in moments, pulling Usagi 
close to her.  "Koneko-chan.  What is it?  Please, tell me."

And Usagi confided in Haruka.  Told her everything.  And clung to her.  
Desperate for comfort, for love.  She was so afraid.  Terrified.  
Sobbing into Haruka's chest, Usagi was flooded with memmories of 
Haruka.  Soft Haruka, arcing under Usagi's touch.  She felt a flush 
creep immediately.

Here Haruka was, stroking her hair, loving her, comforting her, and 
Usagi was thinking of that night long ago.  And at such a time. 

Haruka felt Usagi's sobs subside and finally shifted, sitting on her 
bottom, pulling Usagi between her legs, cradling her against her 
chest.  She felt this need, overwhelming her, to protect this gentle 
soul from the horror she must be feeling.  She felt Usagi relax 
against her.  She also felt her own reactions to have Odango so close 
to her again.

Usagi's arms went around Haruka.

*Deliver me,
*Oh deliver me.
*Won't you deliver me.

Usagi picked her head up.  "Haruka."

Haruka's eyes clouded, a flush creeping over her features, and she 
leaned down to plant a soft kiss on Usagi's lips.  Usagi pressed 
against Haruka, happy to give all of herself to this woman.

Heated kisses gave way to love making.  In the cool, grey morning on 
the secluded beach point, Haruka took Usagi.  Together they eased the 
fears that had clenched Usagi's heart so tightly.  No one to see them 
this time, they were free to take of each other.

They had broken promises spoken years ago.

"I love you, Usagi."  Haruka caressed Usagi's cheek.

"I know.  And I love you, Haruka."  Usagi pulled Haruka's lips down to 
hers again and the fire sparked between them a second time.  Full of 
love and tenderness.  Usagi wished events could be different, that she 
could have given Haruka the daughter Michiru had.  She had only felt 
this desire once before, the first night they had spent together.  She 
had wanted, with all her might, to be Haruka's.

Now, with Chibi Usa conceived, Usagi knew it was just a fantasy.  She 
would only have this to hold onto.  With a ferocity that astonished 
both herself and her lover, Usagi took Haruka the second time, 
bringing the wind Senshi to the height of excitement.

In that moment, their bodies meshing, their souls aching for one 
another, Usagi made her wish.

--- End Part Thirteen ---