*What am I supposed to do
*With all these blues
*Haunting me, everywhere, no matter what I do
*Watching the candle flicker out in the evening glow
*I cant let go
*When will the night be over

The blonde-haired woman wandered through her apartment.  Crystal Tokyo
had been formed, Usagi had ascended the throne, Chibi Usa had been
born, the evil had been vanquished.  She walked to the sliding glass
door that lead to the balcony and stared out at the night sky.  It was 
clear and crisp this evening.  She sipped her wine.  Michiru had taken 
up being governess to Chibi Usa and Mamoru during the day.  Haruka 
busied herself with shop talk with Endymion when they met to discuss 
the efficiency  of their militia.  Haruka rarely saw any of the other 
Senshi, not even Hotaru.

And especially not the Queen.

Years ago, Haruka and Usagi had been... they had acted rashly.  Twice.  
The second had had repercussions that only she, Usagi, and Ami knew 
of.  She, Tenou Haruka, had fathered a child upon Usagi the second 
time they were together.  Somehow, Mamoru was genetically Haruka's.  
The news had only been delivered to Haruka the other night.  She was 
still reeling.

Haruka finished her glass of wine and went to pour another.   Haruka 
did this to herself almost every night before Michiru got home.  Drank 
a few glasses of wine, brooded, and was ready for bed when Michiru 
trudged in from chasing after 2 year-olds.  But tonight was 
different.  This was one of those nights when Michiru had to stay the 
night in the palace.  That left Haruka alone with her wine and 
memories.

She left the empty wine glass on counter and went to the bedroom.
There she stripped and went into the bathroom.  She lit several of
Michiru's candles, deciding to try the aroma therapy thing Ami had
always talked about.  She wet herself down, shampooed her hair and
rinsed.  Then filled the tub with hot water and slipped in to soak.
She closed her eyes and drifted in that place between dream and
wakefulness.  That place where memory has the most hold.

Light flickered in front of Haruka's closed eyes and Usagi's ghost
crept even closer to her.  Haruka remembered a steamy moment where
the two women had shared a bath.  Steam and kisses, urgency in both of
their touches.  Love making between the two of them had always been so
different from most of what she had shared with Michiru.  Fast,
furious... fleeting.  Haruka shifted in the water and felt the heat
rise between her legs, a small gasp escaping her lips.

*Seen a lot of broken hearts go sailing by
*Phantom ships, lost at sea
*And one of them is mine
*Raising my glass, I sing a toast to the midnight sky
*I wonder why
*The stars don't seem to guide me

The past 8 years seemed to have flown by while Haruka wasn't watching.
She and Michiru had gone so far as to have a child, a little girl, who
was now 2 years older than Chibi Usa and Mamoru, Chibi Usa's 
twin.  Michiru had wanted a family, Haruka had wanted to move on, 
beyond her feelings for Usagi.  Nothing seemed to change, though.  She 
was still haunted by the ghost of a child who had long since grown.

In the soft candlelight Haruka could swear she saw a flicker in the
shadows.  Just a flicker, and nothing to get riled up about.  She
relaxed further in the almost-too-hot water, trying to rid herself of
the memories that plagued her day in and day out.  For someone who
loved a water goddess as much as she did, she spent a lot of time
wallowing in the memory of Usagi.

She made a decision then.  After tonight, no more wallowing.  She had
a wife and daughter she loved very much and a life she had built.  It 
was up to her to keep it.  Michiru had been talking about another 
baby... perhaps a boy this time.  Yes.  She had to tell Michiru 
another baby would be good.

A soft whisper.  "You think a baby will make it all better?"

Haruka sat up suddenly.  She looked all around.  Not even a flicker of
shadow that shouldn't be there.

"Now you're hearing things, Haruka.  Get up, dry off, and go to bed."
She shook her head and got out of the tub.  As she was drying off she
got the feeling she was being watched.  Shaking the feeling off, she
got dressed in her sweat pants and t-shirt.  She started to leave the
bathroom and caught a flicker out of the corner of her eye.  She
looked toward the bedroom door and saw the tail end of blond pigtails.

"Usagi?"

Haruka dropped her towel and ran out the door.  The hallway was empty,
not a sound in the house.  She was about to give up when she heard a
door close downstairs.  She raced down and went to the office.  No 
one.  Haruka, the fearless warrior, was getting a bit antsy.  She 
could swear someone was in the house.

There was another giggle and a door slamming open.  Haruka ran to the
front door.  It was wide open.  And when she looked down the road she
could see the shadow of two buns and pigtails running toward the
shore.  Haruka threw on her running shoes and ran after her, slamming
the door behind her.

The cool night air rushed at Haruka.  The twists and turns through the
streets, never quite catching up to the shadow.  She would turn a
corner and catch a tennis shoe turning another.  She could smell Usagi
on the wind, a mixture of bubble gum and roses.  Haruka had always
thought Usagi smelled of bubble gum.  Michiru had thought she was
silly.  What would she think now?  Two in the morning and she was
chasing after ghosts.

Haruka slowed for a moment, but the wind carried to her a message...

"Almost there... Giving up, Ruka-chan?"

Haruka had always hated the nickname.  She felt like Mamoru, but had
not had the heart to tell Usagi it bugged her.  Haruka took in a deep
breath and chased after the giggling in the wind.

The sounds and skittering shadows took her all the way to a long
forgotten shoreline.  The wind died down, the giggling stopped, and
there was nothing but the rushing of the waves against the shore.
Haruka stood at the road, looking up at the full, large moon hanging
low in the sky.  The water was dark and she could smell the decay of
seaweed and fish at low tide.

*The ghost of you and me
*When will it set me free
*I hear the voices call
*Following footsteps down the hall
*Trying to save what's left of my heart and soul

Haruka looked up and down the beach but could not see her ghost.  She
sighed and turned to leave when there was a movement to her left.
There was a pier a ways down the beach... a pier with a woman with
long blond hair standing on it.

Haruka jogged down the beach toward the pier.  The wind had begun to
pick up, almost in time with the speed of Haruka's heartbeat.  She had
chased this woman all over tonight and she wanted answers.  When she
clomped onto the planks of the pier, the woman cried out and spun
around.

"Usagi?"

"Haruka?"

The two woman stood 5 feet apart, staring intently at each other, both
remembering when, years ago, this pier was beach line.  Was a shore.
Was a sandy spot where Usagi had kissed Haruka gently and told her of 
her love.  On this very spot, Haruka had bedded Usagi a second time, 
Usagi not aware of Chibi Usa growing inside her.  Usagi had left 
Haruka that day -- carrying with her the growing seed of their 
actions.  Years of regret had embittered the two woman toward each 
other.  

Usagi turned back to look out over the water.  "It's been years since
I came out here, Haruka.  And it is so strange... you appeared right
when I was thinking of you."

Haruka walked up to stand beside the young queen.  "You shouldn't be
out here alone."

Usagi laughed gently.  "I do not think I am ever alone.  At night,
when all is so quiet, I think I hear someone in the palace.  You'll
laugh, but tonight, I could have sworn... you..."

"I chased you to here, Usagi.  Weren't you in my house?"

Usagi spun to face Haruka.  "No!  I was about to say I thought you
were in the castle tonight!"

"I think... I think, Usagi, that we have something between us
unsettled and our... spirits, for lack of a better word, have decided
tonight we should settle them.  The ghosts from the past, Usagi... I
have been sleeping with them for years now."

Usagi sniffled a little.  "I'm sorry, Haruka."  She took in a deep
breath.  "I loved you so, you know that, right?  It wasn't just some
teen crush.  I would have risked the future to have kept you.  But, I
would not have risked your resentment if I had not let you go.  
Michiru would have hated me more, the other Senshi would have found
out eventually and we would have had friction there... though, with 
Mamoru and his bloodline..."  Usagi looked into Haruka's eyes.  "We 
are forever bound."

Haruka took Usagi's hand in hers.

*Watching the candle flicker out in the evening glow
*I can't let go
*When will the night be over

They shared a silence then, remembering each other and now seeing the
other in the light of 8 years time.  Haruka noted how Usagi's frame
had filled out with adulthood and motherhood.  Her eyes were bright
and there was a wisdom there that Haruka would never have thought of.

Usagi also noticed how Haruka's hair was a bit longer than usual,
shaggier.  She had also lost a little of her muscle definition,
softening her appearance.  Her eyes were cloudy, though, like she was
lost, and this upset Usagi.

"Haruka, is something upsetting you?"

"Usagi, you and I have not spoken more than a dozen times in almost as
many years.  Then, one night, I come to my door and there you stand 
with Ami and Mamoru.  You tell me I -- a woman -- sired a son on you.  
Then you walk out again.  Tonight, I get out of the bath and chase 
what I think is you all over the damn city... to find you here.  Where 
we conceived Mamoru."  Haruka sneered.  "I have a *son*!  One of my 
flesh and blood that I cannot claim!  Do you know what that feels 
like?  I could not give my *wife* a child, but I could my *mistress*!"

Usagi was taken back by Haruka's fury.

"Haruka, we loved.  We have a child.  You have always been free to see 
him.  And you still are.  All I asked is that we kept this between the 
three of us.  Michiru would not forgive another tryst between us, 
Mamoru would be crushed he had no son.  Our lives would change and 
*never* be the same.  *Never*.  If you wish to tell them, I will stand 
beside you and accept the decision.  If not, then do not ever tell 
anyone.  It will forever be our secret."

Haruka nodded slowly.  This hurt.  Not that she was trying to hurt 
Haruka, it was just the truth.  And the truth needed to be said.

*I didn't mean to fall in love with you
*And baby there's a name for what you put me through
*It isn't love, it's robbery
*I'm sleeping with the ghost of you and me

"I do love Michiru.  I know what you mean."  Haruka sighed.  "Very 
well.  Let him have your name and your husband."  Haruka leaned in and 
kissed Usagi on the cheek.  "It's nearing dawn.  You should get back 
to the palace before you are missed."  Haruka smiled down at Usagi.  
"I will make an effort to be more active in our son's life.  I will 
see you soon, Odango Atama."

Haruka turned and jogged down the pier.  She ran until the sun rose,
trying to outrun the hurt she felt, the loss she knew was waiting for
her the next time she was left alone.  A son she was to never know as 
Endymion would know him.  A son who would not know his true bloodline.  
Haruka ran.

Haruka bathed again, and cried into the tub.  She just needed to put
it all behind her, but how?  She just couldn't.  And something told
her neither could Usagi.    They were bound, as she said.  About six 
thirty she crawled into bed.  Just as she was drifting to sleep she 
heard a giggle, felt the sheet move, and smelled the gentle scent of 
bubble gum and roses.  Haruka smiled, knowing that she was sleeping 
with the ghost of Usagi's love.

And she could live with that.

--- End Part Fifteen ---