*Remember when we held on in the rain *The night we almost lost it *Once again we can take the night into tomorrow *Living on feelings *Touching you I feel it all again Haruka entered the palace, the eerily quiet halls ringing with the sound of her footfalls. Outside the rain fell softly, the bleak skies reflecting the emotions of all those within these walls. Haruka made her way to the royal quarters, her heart pounding with the anticipation of seeing the queen. They had not spoken in the months since Michiru left. She stood before the large doors, her hand poised to knock. What would Usagi have to say to her? What would she say to Usagi? Where was the king and what would he think if he saw Haruka leaving the queen's quarters? Haruka did not want to make the situation between the monarchs any worse. Still, her hand fell in three firm raps on the door. Moments passed, Haruka shifted from one foot to the other. Faintly she heard steps in the suite, soft and muted by the thick carpet within. Slowly the door opened, revealing a very pale and thinning Usagi. Her blue eyes were huge and dark, with bags hanging low below her eyes. Haruka had been told by Naru, Usagi's personal maiden, that the queen rarely ate and slept only a few fitful hours a day. So much pain from their love... "Usagi." The door opened further and Usagi motioned for Haruka to enter. Inside the room was like ice, chilled and white, with Usagi wearing only her night slip. Haruka cleared her throat as she sat on one of the many chairs in the room. "Koneko, you worry all those within the palace. You do not eat, you rarely sleep, and you will not speak to anyone. You need to come out of this... this... place you have retreated to. There is a world, a universe, that needs its queen." Usagi blinked once, slowly. It was as if she was is a daze. She took a deep breath and looked at her hands. "I just don't seem to have the energy to get out of bed. Haruka-san, I feel as if it just is not worth it anymore. I spent the past two decades being a queen, a mother and a wife. Now... I am a grandmother, a betrayer and yet, still, a queen." She looked up at Haruka with a fierceness in her eyes. "I feel tainted, unworthy now. I betrayed my husband, my destiny!" Tears fell heavy down her cheeks. Haruka looked away toward the large balcony overlooking the city, the tears shining in her eyes. This woman, one of only two women she had ever loved, hurt so, and hurt because of her. Not to mention Michiru, wherever she had run to. She had loved them both and now had lost them both. As well as ruined their lives in the process. Haruka looked back to the sobbing woman and reached out her hand to touch Usagi's cheek. "Usagi, there is no other woman in this universe more worthy, more capable of being the queen. Please, do not pine away. Endymion and you will work through this, your love is eternal." Usagi's head snapped up. "Eternal?! If it had been eternal I would not have slept with you... twice! Haruka..." Usagi just shook her head and stood up, turning her back to the green-eyed Senshi. "Do not touch me. No matter what I want to tell myself, I want you as much as I did when I was young." A deep sigh fell from her lips. "I do not know what it means except for pain and suffering. I love you, and I love you enough to tell you to leave and not see me like this again. Somehow I must salvage my marriage. I love Endymion and our children so much... I must, and will, find a way." She turned to Haruka. "And you should do the same. Michiru and you have a fine daughter, you also now have granddaughters." Usagi then smiled. "Twins seem to run in the family." Haruka stood up and approached Usagi, smiling softly. "Yes. Children, grandchildren, love and life. We share so much, Usagi. Please, do not hate me." Usagi giggled, almost herself again. "Hate you? Haruka, I could no more hate you than hate the sun. You both shine so bright and give me such warmth." In the dim light of the afternoon the two woman stood, smiling, a weight lifted from their chests. So many years of hiding their sins, now they were free from them. They just needed to repair the damage those sins caused. *The way you used to touch me felt so fine *We kept our hearts together down the line *A moment in the soul can last forever *Comfort and keep us *Help me bring the feeling back again Haruka closed the door to Usagi's chambers and just let her head rest against the cool wood. She turned to leave the hall and came face to face with Endymion. His eyes were so dark, anger clouding them. He stood against the opposite wall with his arms crossed. He looked like hell. Haruka clenched her fists and took a breath. "Your Majesty." He just sneered at her. "What? You couldn't keep your hands off her? I had wondered how long you two would wait before you started your affair back up. Rather quick though, wasn't it?" He pushed off from the wall and approached the Wind Senshi. "Endymion-sama, you have no idea what you are talking about. I came here to look in on Usagi and ask her if she was eating and sleeping. I found she was not and sought to aid her how I could. I did not have any 'affair' with her on this -- or any other -- day. She needed a friend, and since her best friend moved out of their rooms, I offered my ear." "I bet. Haruka-san, why not just be honest with me? Have you not done enough lying? There is no point in trying to hide the trail anymore. You took my wife, stole my son, and destroyed my life." Haruka blinked. "Your wife is sitting in her rooms pining away for you, wanting you to return to her side. I most certainly did not take her away from you. Your son was, and ever is, your son. He knows you, he is named for you. I was not consulted in his life, I was never asked if I wanted this or that for him. You were. You are his father. As for your life, you have destroyed that well enough on your own. You abandoned your wife, cut off your son, and locked yourself away." Endymion suddenly pulled back and struck at Haruka, anger masking his face. Haruka easily dodged the blow. Fury erupted in her as much as it had in the king and she hit back, Endymion sidestepping the punch as easily as Haruka had. They traded punches for several minutes, neither connecting, both dodging expertly. The years they had spent sparring with each other, of being training companions, prevented them from hitting one another. Frustration ate at them both, causing Endymion to yell out and run toward Haruka. Haruka was able to spin out and bring her elbow smashing down on his spine as he ran passed. He cried out and fell to the floor. Both of them were breathing hard, the months of self-hate culminating. Endymion stood again and glared at the blonde and struck out again. Haruka backed up, ducking the punch, only to be surprised by his other hand striking her across the face. The force of the blow sent her sprawling to the floor. Laying on her side, propped up on her hands, Haruka saw blood drip from her now split lip and land on the hem of a white dress. The blood spread sickly red, staining the hemline. Haruka looked up to see Usagi standing there, staring down at the fallen soldier. Her shimmering eyes looked up at her husband. "What... is going... on?" she whispered, the horror in her eyes causing Endymion to cast his eyes down. "Why are you two doing this to me?!" she cried out. She pivoted on her heel and ran back into her haven and slammed the door, locking both loves of her life out. Haruka pulled herself to her feet, swiping at her mouth. Swallowing the bitter taste of blood, Haruka brought her eyes level to the kings. "I loved her, Endymion. More than you can ever know. I would never want her to hurt as she hurts now. But, everything that has happened, all that has occurred... it was worth it, it was all worth the fall." Endymion was not sure if Haruka was speaking about Usagi or about Michiru. He supposed it was a mixture of both women. "Now... I am going to go get my wife back. I am going to convince her that I love her more than life itself, whatever life I have without her. I suggest you do the same." Haruka combed her hair back with her hand, took a breath and straightened her clothes. She walked past the king, her head held high. She would find her love, she would make it all work. Was it all worth it? Was two nights with Usagi worth losing her dignity? Was a son worth the loss of her only true love? Hell, yeah. *Didn't we have the best of times *When love was young and new? *Couldn't we reach inside and find *The world of me and you? *We'll never lose it again *Cause once you know what love is *You never let it end He stood in the aftermath of the fight, silence closing in on him. He was a broken man. His jaw smarted where Haruka had landed her blow. How had things come to this? How had his world been turned upside down? He sighed and looked at the solid white doors that separated him from his wife. He had missed her. So much. He had realized that he was just trying to punish Usa for his own infractions. He realized that he had to have withheld something from her for Usa to have turned to Haruka. He also knew that he and Michiru had to have given them some kind of fear of them. If the two of them had felt safe with their loves, if they had trusted them to love them no matter what, they would have come to them and told them the truth. But something had been missing. Endymion had to admit that he had not been the most devoted or caring husband. He had tried to be, but even Chibi Usa's conception had been tainted by his selfishness. He had treated her ill as a teenager, worse as her husband, and then ignored her once she had given birth. He shook his head. No wonder she had turned to someone else, someone who had probably made her feel needed and wanted. He knew Haruka to be a passionate woman, someone who felt so much. Of course Usagi would be drawn to that, a moth to a flame. After all, when your spouse is too busy playing king, a wedding band is just a ring on your finger, nothing more. He needed to make it up to her as much as she needed to make it up to him. In the 30 odd years they had known each other, Endymion realized he knew very little of his wife. He knew her general likes and dislikes, but he did not know *her*. This woman... Endymion slowly walked up to the door, the door he had never knocked on before. Such liberties he had taken. He was nervous. What if it was all too late? Was there a chance? Their love was supposed to be eternal. It had survived *so* much, could it survive this? He had to try. His hand moved up, fist clenched, and rapped on the door. Almost immediately the door opened, revealing huge blue eyes and tear stained cheeks. His eyes met hers. She opened the door and let him in. *Didn't we almost have it all *When love was all we had worth giving? *The ride with you was worth the fall my friend *Loving you makes life worth living *Didn't we almost have it all *The nights we held on till the morning *You know you'll never love that way again *Didn't we almost have it all They spoke for hours in hushed voices. Soft afternoon warmth gave way to cool twilight. Hurts had begun to heal, words and tears had been shared. Endymion had not realized how wonderful it felt to just be held in her arms as he wept, trying to show and tell her how much he loved her, how he needed her. She wiped his tears. Kissed his lips. Led him to their bed. And in the soft light of night, she found her love, found her completeness in her husband. He found his reason for living, and they connected in a way that brought them to the edge of insanity over and over. Naked lovers in the moonlight, holding tight to each other until morning broke. Finally, they had it all. --- End Part Nineteen ---