I Need You
Orchyd Constyne
orchyd_constyne@fanfictioncentral.net

*I don't need a lot of things
*I can get by with nothing
*Of all the blessings life can bring
*I've always needed something

Mamoru sat in his living room, brooding.  He missed Usagi.  He had 
pushed her out the door this evening when she came confront him about 
his avoiding her.  She just didn't understand.  He was doing this to 
protect her, he was doing his duty as the prince, as Tuxedo Kamen, as 
her love.  He put his head in his hands, letting a long sigh escape 
his lips.  She had punded on the door for fifteen minutes, pleading 
with him to let her in, not to do this to her.  He had tried to turn 
a deaf ear to her pleas, but her pain was too great.  He had broken 
down on his side of the door, tears had dripped silently down his face 
as her cries fell like molten silver on his eardrums, his heart.

He loved her so much and hated doing this to them both, but he had 
always been capable of doing what had to be done.  It had been 
wonderful to feel loved, needed.  His parents had died while he was 
still so young, and he had been so afraid to be close with anyone 
else.  He had withdrawn and was seen as a man with an attitude instead 
of a man desperately hungry for a family, for a sense of belonging.  
He had felt that he could get by on his own, had convinced himself of 
this, that all he needed was what he earned.  He felt he hadn't earned 
a family, love, friends... not yet.  He had always felt hollow.  He 
had been missing something.  

*But I've got all I want 
*When it comes to loving you
*You're my only reason
*You're my only truth

Usagi.  Actually, he had tormented her endlessly about her study 
habits, her grades, her visits to the arcade... her hair.  Odango 
Atama.  He smiled at the memory.  She would get so frustrated with 
him!  She would stick her tongue out, sneer at him, yell.  She hadn't 
been aware of how beautiful he had found her, how her reactions had 
just goaded him on.  He wished she realized now how much he hurt not 
having her near him.  He had been his entire life without someone 
close, with out someone who needed him or him needing them.  Then, in 
just one moment he received all he had ever desired.  A beautiful 
love, loyal friends, and a purpose in his life.  Now, fate it seemed 
wanted to take it all away.

He had been used to having nothing.  Of coming home to emptiness and 
waking to loneliness.  He was now used to having all he'd ever wished 
for.  He had relished in the feeling of fulfilledness, of being *part* 
of something.  Of the Sailor Senshi and of his relationship with 
Usagi.  He had been complete by her side.  He could never go back to 
accepting what he had before she had entered his life.  He ached to be 
near her, for she was his reason for being.  But, how could he give in 
to such an ache if the cost would be her death?

*I need you like water
*Like breath, like rain
*I need you like mercy
*From heaven's gate
*There's a freedom in your arms
*That carries me through
*I need you

The tears were back.  That lump in his chest had worked it's way up 
to his throat.  He allowed the tears to come, to try and wash his sins 
away, the pain away.  Could he allow that pain to be removed, though?  
He deserved so much pain of his own for the pain he was influctiong on 
poor Usako.  She had been the one who had taught him how to laugh... 
those deep belly laughs that left your ribs aching, tears in your 
eyes.  He had never done that before her.  He had not known the extent 
of happiness, the depth of love he could feel!  Yes, he may have 
thought at times that she was lazy, but he was just now realizing that 
she was doing -- to an extent -- what every other 14-year-old in the 
world did.  He, and the others, expected so much of her simply because 
one thousand years from now she would rule Crystal Tokyo.

He actually admired her ability to hold onto that innocence necessary 
for childhood.  Through all that she had seen, and all she will 
eventually have to do, she maintained her purity.  There had been 
times not too long ago that he had almost resented her for that trait.  
He had been jealous of the fact she had been allowed a childhood which 
had been denied him by his parents' untimely deaths.  He would be 
thinking on that sometimes when he was around her, and she would sense 
he was in some dark corner of his soul and do something only she could 
do.  She'd poke him in the belly and smile up at him with that 
child-like smile and tell him how much she loved him.  And, at the 
moment, he could not believe he had ever thought such horrible things.  
In that time, all had been right in his heart, with her holding his 
hand and smiling up at him.

His eyes turned dark, if anyone had been in the dimly lit room to see.  
The dream had started, and he had been unable to shake that feeling of 
premenition.  Now everytime she smiled, every time he saw her face, he 
feared he would *never* see them again.  Never hear her laughter, 
of never having that furtue they dreamed of together.  That fear is 
what allowed him to stay away from her, to keep his distance.  He was 
so angry at fate.  How could love be the source of so much danger?  He 
took a deep breath and swiped his face.  Bed.  Sleep.  In his sleep, 
he dreamed of her.  Her sweet smile, her soft touch.  At least he 
still had his dreams of her.

*You're the hope that moves me
*To courage again
*You're the love that rescues me
*When the cold winds rage

"Mamo-chan!"

He was running from her again; why did it always seem like he was 
running?  Her gentle eyes and insitant voice had tempted him to stay.  
He bit his lip slightly, he would not risk he life simply so he could 
stop the pain in him.  No matter how much she beeged, no matter how 
many ways the situation could be rationalized.  The future depended on 
his reslove, his discipline.  

"Mamo-chan!  Wait!"

He could hear the tears in her voice, could hear the desperation as 
she ran just steps behind him.  His pace faltered.  His princess 
needed him, she was so heartbroken *because of him*.  How could he 
have been so cruel!  It was all his fear, he had done this to her, to 
them.  He cursed himself.  Once for hurting her, and once again for 
slowing down and letting her catch up completely.  She had her hand on 
his upper arm, jerking him around to face her.  She was still Salor 
Moon, and she quickly dropper her hand from his shoulder and clasped 
both in front of her, looking down.  When she looked up, he could see 
her eyes glisten in the moonlight, with the first fo the tears that 
had begun to slip down her cheeks.

Mamo-chan."  She choked out, her eyes pleading with him silently.

"Usako."  He resisted the urge to wipe away the tears.

"I don't care about the future, Mamo-chan," she began heatedly. "I 
don't care if we never marry, if we never have Chibi Usa!"

His eyes widened.  "Of course you care, Usako!  We are the only hope 
for the future, for Chibi Usa!  For the future to come about *you* 
must be alive!"

"You're wrong, Mamo-chan.  What I care about is *now*, not tomorrow.  
They're dreams!  Dreams, Mamo-chan!  Dreams brought us together, are 
you going to let them tear us apart?!"

She was holding his hand tightly near her heart now.  'Damn her,' he 
thought, 'damn her for making so much sense!'  He pulled her close to 
him, taking in her smell, her softness and then lowered his lips to 
her.  He kissed her deeply, rediscovering his love for her, his heart 
filling once gain.  *This* was right.

*And it's so amazing
*Cause that's just how you are
*And I can't turn back now
*Cause you've brought me too far

They broke apart, gasping in the night air.  Usagi looked up at Mamoru 
again, her eyes slightly glazed and her lips a bit puffy from his 
sweet assault.  

"Usako..." he breathed.  He had missed her so much, the perpetual ache 
in his chest ceased to exist at that moment.  Her presence had soothed 
his fears, his pains.  One kiss from her, one gentle touch... she 
would lead all to salvation one day, he was certain.  How could he 
have ever thought he could get by without her near?  Her love meant so 
much, did so much for him.

"Mamo-chan," she whispered, "we can make this all work.  We will save 
the future, we will save our friends and our beloveds.  We will save 
us."

That moment in the moonlight, looking into her clear blue eyes, he 
believed her completely.  No doubt clouded his heart, no fear darkened 
his soul.  They would save them all.  Nightmares be damned.

*I need you like water
*Like breath, like rain
*I need you like mercy
*From heaven's gate
*There's a freedom in your arms
*That carries me through
*I need you

He took her hand after they had transformed back to their civilian 
clothing and started walking her home.  Halfway there, he let go of 
her hand and slipped it around her waist to bring her even closer to 
him.  He needed to feel her now, they had been apart -- his doing, yes 
-- for too long.  He had no intention of ever letting her go again.  
Not by choice and not by force.

*Oh, yes I do
*I need you 
*I need you 

Never again.

**** The End ****