Sailor Moon is copyright 1992 by Naoko Takeuchi. North American Rights for Sailor Moon are owned by D.I.C. Rating: PG-13 ~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~* Part I - Recovery Chapter IX - Heartbreak Usagi was once again on her way to the bus stop. She didn't have to go to the hospital. She wasn't scheduled. But she had decided to visit Kai, and hopefully the other four, since she had nothing better to do. Along the way to the stop was the arcade. She had to pass by it. Letting her curiosity get the better of her, she glanced toward the entrance. She let her eyes drift to two figures in the tiny alley next to the building. And felt her heart stop. She couldn't do anything. She only stood there. Stunned. Betrayed. Pained. Her body froze. She could only stare. She fought not to cry. For there was Mamoru. Kissing the girl he had been with last week. Last week, the arm around her had been nothing. The closeness: no problem. A hug: fine. Even a kiss Usagi would have been able to handle. But THIS! What WAS this? It wasn't just a kiss. The girl was leaning up against the wall, her arms around Mamoru's neck. Mamoru had one of his hands against the wall, supporting his weight. His other hand had gone around the girl's waist to hold her to him firmly. It was a full body length kiss. And it was long. Finally feeling herself start to break, Usagi ran towards the bus stop. Pacing back and forth as she waited for the bus, she tried to force herself to be calm. But she couldn't. Silent tears rolled down her face and silent sobs shook her body. The other people waiting for the bus moved away from the saddened girl, feeling weird standing next to her. As she got on the bus, when it finally arrived, she willed her body to be still, but it didn't work. Imagining Mamoru with someone else was so different than seeing him with someone else. 'Why? Why? WHY?' It seemed to be the only word that she could think of. She had never felt so defeated. Before, she had hope. Hope that he would still love her. Hope that it was partly because of a dream that was keeping them apart. Hope that they would get back together. It was a hope that she had buried deep within herself. She said there was no hope; it was one of the ways she could block herself from pain. But some tiny part of her knew that there was hope. Some part of her would not give up. And now that little hope was shattered. It disintegrated, leaving nothing but bitterness and sadness. Usagi only now acknowledged the hope that had once existed. She had not realized that it was there until now. And she had not known that it was one of the things that kept her going. And now, it was gone. She watched the buildings go by, thinking, 'I did this. I drove him away. Why? Why did I have to' The bus came too a halt and she got off. Slowly, she entered El Café. Kai immediately saw her tear-stained face and took her into the back after talking to one of the waitresses about covering for him. Instantly, he was holding her as her body shook within his arms. For the first time, since her mother that May night, she welcomed comfort. She didn't want to cry. But she had to. She couldn't keep this in . . . not this. Kai held her and stroked her hair and rubbed the part of her back between her shoulders. He put his head atop hers and tried to calm her. He hated this. He wanted so badly to help her, but he knew she wouldn't talk about it. She never did. And because he didn't know anything, he had no idea how he could help. When her sobs and shivers had subsided into silent tears, he pulled back. He wiped her tears with his thumbs and asked, "Usa . . . do you want to talk about it?" Usagi hesitated. She had known that he was going to ask her. And she was prepared to say no. But looking up into his face and seeing how much he cared for her made her hesitate. 'I want to tell him . . . I want to tell somebody. I need to tell somebody! And I can trust him.' Another voice answered back. 'Weak . . .' Usagi pulled back from Kai abruptly, rubbed at her tearstains furiously, and said somewhat fiercely, "No, I'm fine." Kai was surprised and hurt by this sudden movement. "Oh . . . okay." He had thought that she was really going to tell him this time. Usagi saw Kai's face and moved to put her hand on him. "Kai . . . I trust you. I do. But my life is so complicated and confusing and I'M still trying to figure it out. And I don't want to dump all my problems on you, 'cause trust me . . . there's a lot." Kai smiled. "Well, I've got all the time in the world." "I know," said Usagi softly. "Go get cleaned up, okay? You're face is kinda red." "Gee, thanks," she said sarcastically. "No, I mean-," he said flustered. Usagi smiled softly. "I'm just kidding." He blushed slightly and as he walked out of the room, Usagi called to him. "Kai?" He paused and turned halfway. "Yeah?" "Kai . . . thanks." He only smiled. Usagi went to the bathroom and Kai walked out to continue his job. But he was intercepted. "What happened to Usa?" an angry voice demanded. In front of Kai stood four angry men, Jiro being the one to have spoken. "We saw her when she came in. What happened?" asked Kiyoshi, calmer than Jiro. Kai looked at him. He was the newest addition to the group. He openly sized Kiyoshi up before responding. "I don't know." He tried to walk away, but Jiro stepped in front of him again and said, "You were in there with her for 15 minutes! What happened?" He was angry. He had never seen Usagi so sad. And he never wanted to see her like that again. Like all the other men, he was willing to kill the bastard that had hurt her so. Kai looked at him, his patience on a leash. "Look, Usagi didn't say anything to me, okay? She just cried the whole time and said her life was complicated and confusing. I want to know what's wrong just as much as you do, but I'm not about to force it out of her!" Kai was mad too. He didn't appreciate being called a liar and the thing with Usagi already had him on edge. Zared quietly said, "We're sorry, Kai. We know you care about Usagi just as much as we do. We're just worried." Kai calmed down the tiniest bit at those words. He nodded curtly and went on his way; nobody tried to stop him. "Jiro, you gotta calm down!" said Noriko. "I can't! Did you see her? She looked so hurt. She didn't even look like she could stand on her own. She was shaking!" "Look, we feel the same way you do, but you can't just go off on everyone!" Kiyoshi said. It sounded like a command, in a way. "Yeah, yeah," muttered Jiro. As they tried to calm a fuming Jiro, Usagi came out of the bathroom. She had splashed some cold water on her face and put on a little make-up. She noticed that she looked pale and her slight bags under her eyes had become a little more pronounced. She hadn't known she looked that bad. She also made a decision. When she came out, she went straight to Kai. She whispered something in his ear and he nodded. She retrieved something from her bag. And went to talk to the band. She noticed Jiro, Zared, Noriko, and Kiyoshi watching her every move. It was then that she saw their worried expressions. She gave them a small, quick half-smile, hoping to reassure them. It worked a little, for all except Jiro. Jiro continued to watch her anxiously. When she saw her friends, she began to rethink her decision. Could she do this? Should she? They would have questions, she knew. But then she thought, 'What's a few more? They probably have dozens they'd like to ask.' A little while later, Kai caught Usagi's eye and nodded at her. She understood. 'Show time.' ~ ~ ~ End ~ ~ ~ Author's Notes: Sorry for any typos, grammar/spelling mistakes. I'm in a rush. But thanx for reading. I hope you enjoyed it. Any and all email welcome! -HoNeY hnymustd@hotmail.com 4/7/00