Sailor Moon is copyright 1992 by Naoko Takeuchi.

North American Rights for Sailor Moon are owned by

D.I.C.



Rating:  PG-13

	(Just so you know, there's cussing)



~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*



~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~  Life  ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~



Part I - Recovery

Chapter II - Writing's Revelations





	Usagi sat down at her desk in her room.

Sighing, she pulled some books out of her book bag

and began doing her homework.



	'What a drag.  Summer school definitely sucks.'



	Because of her poor grades, Usagi had been

forced into taking summer school for some classes or

else she would not be able to graduate to her fourth

year of high school.  She would have failed.  She was

actually studying and working hard.  Her parents only

hoped she would carry that on to the actual school

year.



	By the time it was dinner, Usagi had succeeded

in doing all of her history homework and half of her

math.



	She ate her dinner quickly and declined offers

for more food.  After clearing her plate and excusing

herself, she went back to the tedious punishment of

homework.



	As she left, her parents exchanged looks.  They

were happy that she was doing well in summer school.

She seemed more responsible.  And they were ecstatic

about that.  It thrilled them to no end.  She was

finally growing up.



	But they didn't want _this_.  They didn't want

fake smiles and polite laughter.  They didn't want a

solemn face and longing eyes.



	They wanted Usagi's crest smiles and never-

ending laughter.  They wanted her glowing face and

the ever-so-sparkling blue eyes.



	Even Shingo noticed the change.  Every time he

tried to bug her, she only looked at him disdainfully

before shrugging him off.  He missed being able to

bug her.  He missed her loud voice and her getting

pissed off at him.



	Nobody in the family knew what had happened.

But they knew that they missed the old Usagi.

Unfortunately, they didn't know how to get her back.

Even shopping trips and video games seemed to be done

painfully by her.



	After Usagi finished with her homework, she

stood up to stretch and checked her clock to find

that it was only 10:14.  She reached into her desk

drawer and took out a book.  She flopped onto her

bed, stomach down and flipped it open to a random

page.



	She began reading:



	'May 31, 1999



	I think people are finally getting used to the

idea that I can be on time.  They don't act all

immature and pretend to faint when I arrive.  Even

Rei's shut up about it.  Maybe now they can see that

I'm changing.  And about time too!



	I think one of the reasons Rei didn't say

anything today is because I cut my hair.  Can you

believe it?  I actually went and chopped it all off.

Well, not ALL.  I cut it up to my waist, like

Minako's, but not layered.  And I'm letting my bangs

grow out too.  I needed this change.  This physical

alteration to go with my internal one.  My hair's too

short to wear in odangos and look good.  Which is

just as well, I suppose.



	I saw Mamoru today.  I don't think I can say

Mamo-chan or even write it again.  It hurts too much.

Keeps reminding me of before.  Now I know why people

get all nostalgic when they talk about their good ol'

days.



	But, yeah, I saw him.  It was in the arcade.

He walked in with this girl.  She was okay.  She

wasn't anything special but she was pretty.  Motoki

said that they were working together.  Looked pretty

cozy for co-workers.  Whatever the reason, I was so

jealous I had to leave.  He saw and he knew and he

didn't care.'



	Usagi turned to another page.



	'June 5, 1999



	I don't get it.  I just don't get it.  They say

they want one thing and when they get it they

question it and grill me about everything.  What

gives?!?!?!



	When I first started changing, I thought they'd

notice and be really supportive.  I mean, I _was_

becoming more responsible and getting over Mamoru and

everything.  But they weren't.  They were so bitchy

and sarcastic about everything.  "Wow, you're

actually on time."  "Where do you always disappear

to?"  "When did you get so good at fighting?"  And on

and on and on.



	I do _not_ need this in my life!  Maybe I

deserved it before - hey, even I admit it - but

not now.  Not after everything I've done to change.

If they aren't going to be supportive, fine.  I don't

need them!



	I mean, do they really care?  Shouldn't it be

enough that I AM on time and that I AM good at

fighting now?  And why should I have to tell them

where I go?  I DO have my own life.  I don't bug

_them_ every second of the day.



	They didn't want to know what happened on

_that_ night.  And now, all of a sudden,

they're all nosy.  I have my right to privacy.

They didn't want to listen to me then, I refuse to

give them the chance to listen now.'



	'June 21, 1999



	I'm so sick of everyone.  I've been avoiding

the senshi all week.  I just kick it with Naru and

Umino.



	I'm just sick of them and their bitching,

especially since all of it is aimed at me.  I don't

even know what I'm doing wrong anymore.



	I'm just sick of it all.  Maybe it's just a

phase, a passing phase.  I don't know.  But I don't

want to talk to them.  They've always got something

to complain about.  That puts me in a bad mood.  I'm

tired of being in a bad mood.  I want to live a

little.  There hasn't been a stupid youma in the

longest time.  I, for one, am enjoying my life.  I

can sleep through the night without worrying

something's gonna try and take over the world at 1

AM.



	If they want their lives to revolve around this

whole senshi shit, then fine.  I've got my own life

to live.'



	'June 30, 1999



	This is so sad.  I've actually ceased to talk

to Ami and Rei and Mako and Minako.  The youma

attacks have stopped.  There hasn't been one in about

a month . . . more than actually.



	I guess I kinda miss them but it was their own

fault.  They're the ones who pushed me away.  I

didn't need to be constantly reminded that everything

I've ever done and everything I ever do is wrong.



	And they never listened to me before.  What?  I

couldn't come up with any decent ideas?  I don't need

that.



	Besides, they're not trying to talk to me

either, so I don't care . . . But I do.'



	Finally, she flipped the book open to a blank

page.  She reached for a pen and began writing.



	'July 3, 1999



	5 months.  5 months since that horrible night.

Or should I say that fateful night?  The night that

changed my life?  So many names for just one night.



	It's weird how one thing can have so many

names.  Man, you can even take me for example.  I'm

Tsukino Usagi.  I'm Sailor Moon.  I'm Princess

Serenity.  I'm the SUPPOSED leader of the senshi.

I'm the SUPPOSED true love of Chiba Mamoru's.  I'm a

student, a pretty okay one, at that.  Imagine. I'm a

warrior, kind of.  I'm a hero, supposedly.  I'm a

daughter, a granddaughter, etc.  I'm formerly known

as a klutz, a ditz, an idiot, a moron, a wailing

machine, a tornado in progress, etc, etc, etc.



	And with all those names - former and current -

I still don't know who I am.



	I don't know who my friends are anymore. The

others are really only my guard now, or the senshi or

whatever.  We don't talk at all anymore, not even at

school.  They just hang with themselves.  Doesn't

matter to me.  I don't need that many friends.  I

have Naru and Motoki.  A couple others, too.  That's

enough.  With friends come emotions, with emotions

come pain.  And who needs pain?



	But still . . . I wonder how they are.  I

wonder if they even care about how I am.  I wonder if

they ever cared.  I know it's my fault.  Everything's

my fault.  Everything's alwayz my fault.  But it's

their fault too.  They could have tried.  They

didn't.  They pushed me away.  It's not my fault . .

. not entirely.



	I wish I could stop caring.  I wish it were

that easy.  I wish emotions were just a faucet

to turn off and on.  I would however, always keep

mine off.



	I CAN'T BELIEVE MYSELF!!!  They betray ME! They

lose faith in ME!  And I'm the one who ends up

feeling bad!  What the hell is wrong with this

picture?



	They probably never did care . . .'



	Usagi rubbed her eyes.  She was tired.  She

closed the book.  She set it and her pen down on her

desk and went to bed, sighing.



	It had been a long day.  It had been a long 5

months.  It had been a long 5-month struggle.



	'And it isn't even over yet . . . not nearly.'





~ ~ ~  End  ~ ~ ~





Author's Notes:



	Hola, mis amigos!  That's about all I've

learned in my 21/2 years of Spanish.  That and 'Yo

quiero Taco Bell.'  Oh wait!  I learned that from

television . . . =)



	But enough of that nonsense (school's draining

what little of my brain I have left).  Thank you

again to all you cool people who emailed.  I'm trying

to answer back; sorry if I haven't.  I'm on it.

(Shout-out to KC: I have tried to email you several

times, but for some reason it never gets sent.  I

apologize.  And I'm sorry my last chapter left you

confused.)



	I know this wasn't a very good chapter.  But I

needed to write about what was going on with Usagi.

The next chapter has stuff going on.  Don't expect

anything with the other senshi.  They don't come in

yet.  But my next chapter does have conversations and

actual physical activity.  It also does some more

explaining.  Yeah, again, I know.  But you gotta know

what's goin' down, ya know?



	That's another thing I wanted to mention.  If

the story ever sounds 'valley girlish,' gomen.  I've

been here in the valley my entire life.  It's in the

blood.  (And sometimes I tend to do that Asian thing

and use a 'z' when it's supposed to be an 's'.  You

know, like 'Azn' is supposed to be 'Asian'.  I try

not to, but it's the way I write.  So, sorry about

that if it bugs you.)



	The last thing I wanted to say: School is evil.

It's satanic.  Some teachers are the devil's spawn or

advocate, whichever you prefer.  School's been

bringing me down a lot lately; and it's gonna show in

the story (ie. Tedious punishment of homework).  So,

now you know.



	OH!  One last thing.  If you didn't get the

whole crest smile thing, I'm referring to the crest

toothpaste commercial.  One of those commercials

where they smile all wide and stuff.  In other words,

a crest smile is merely a wide smile showing teeth.



	Another last thing: (gomen) Does anybody need

an outline of the dates?  I just want to make sure no

one gets lost.  I was thinking about writing down a

list of the dates and the major events that happen

with each update.  All of my Part I happens rather

rapidly.  Even if only one person needs it, I'll do

it.  So, just make sure to tell me.



	That was definitely that last thing.  Any

comments, suggestions, flames welcome.  Thanks for

reading!!!



Take care, peeps!



HoNeY

Hnymustd@hotmail.com

1/14/00