This story is rated PG-13 for language, and sexual references. -------------------------------------------- The way you're bathed in light Reminds me of that night God laid me down into your Rose garden of trust And I was swept away With nothin' left to say Some helpless fool Yeah I was lost in a swoon of peace You're all I need to find So when the time is right Come to me sweetly, come to me Come to me Love will lead us, alright Love will lead us, she will lead us Can you hear the dolphin's cry? See the road rise up to meet us It's in the air we breathe tonight Love will lead us, she will lead us Oh yeah, we meet again It's like we never left Time in between was just a dream Did we leave this place? This crazy fog surrounds me You wrap your legs around me All I can do to try and breathe Let me breathe so that I So we can go together! Life is like a shooting star It don't matter who you are If you only run for cover It's just a waste of time We are lost 'til we are found This phoenix rises up from the ground And all these wars are over ~The Dolphin's Cry Live -------------------------------------------- Altered State, book one "Tonight, Tonight" by Mercury Blue and Fire Goddess Raye -------------------------------------------- Part One- The First Month Chapter Two- Always The Quiet Ones And there you have it. Already you can see the set future beginning to fray. Amy growing weary of a life that had always contented her; Mina, in her desperation not to remain alone beginning a relationship at a time where she otherwise would not have; Lita deciding to date Chad, though she was never meant to. Raye being left alone, confused, and, for the first time in her life, completely lacking in self- confidence. And we can't forget about Serena, or Darien, can we? Their love has failed them, and they are losing patience with each other. Darien, in his loneliness, is finding company wherever he can, even spending time at Mina's bedside to get away from it. Serena wants him back, pleading with him to reunite. But Darien is refusing, and no one can figure out why. The Sailor Scouts are crumbling, and the problems are beginning to snowball. I blame myself that I couldn't realize what was happening before it did. The terrible, and sometimes beautiful things that one glimpse of the future could provide. Like what happened soon after Amy and Raye witnessed the kiss. -------------------------------------------- "Raye, are you alright?" Amy stepped into Raye's room, and closed the door behind her with a gentle 'click'. "I'm fine," Raye said. She sat at her bedroom vanity, brushing her long black hair in the mirror. "Do you think I should cut my hair?" "Don't change the subject, Raye," Amy sighed, sitting on the edge of the bed. "You can be honest with me." Raye put her brush down and stared into the mirror at Amy's reflection in the background. "Amy, do you know what went through my mind when I saw that? When I saw them..." she paused. Combing her fingers through her hair, she pulled it back into a loose ponytail at the nape of her neck, twisting it and placing it demurely over her right shoulder. "All I could think was... I lost him. There's nothing I can do now." She smiled sadly and turned to face Amy. "But there must be something! I refuse to believe that they-" Amy was grasping for straws, and Raye cut her off with a wave of the hand. "It's over, Ames. Lita's my friend, and even if it means giving up Chad, I want her to be happy. Really." She yawned softly, and Amy realized for the first time how late it was. "Do you mean it, Raye?" Amy lifted herself off of the bed and stood in front of her friend. "Of course I do," she murmured. Slowly, she turned herself to face the mirror again. "I wouldn't have it any other way. Now," she tossed her head and the loose ponytail tumbled free, hair spilling down her back in ebony cascades, "what do you think of shoulder-length and brown?" "Raye, you've got beautiful hair," Amy sighed. "Why are you suddenly so eager to change it?" Raye made eye contact with her reflection. "Why not?" she said softly. "Everything else is." * * * It was the light of the morning sun that woke Amy the next morning. She stretched in her futon on the floor and propped herself up on her elbow to peer over at Raye's bed to see if she had awakened as well. Raye lay sprawled across her bed, still fully clothed in her Shinto garb. Her hair was tangled around her in a halo, and her makeup was smeared. Her eyes were closed, and she snored softly. She and Amy had been up so late the previous night that neither had bothered changing. With a sigh, Amy sat up and attempted to smooth the wrinkles out of her clothing. She couldn't have changed even if she'd wanted to. It wasn't as if she had packed for her visit- she had figured she would be home before she went to bed. Softly, careful not to wake her friend- poor Raye, she was so stressed. Amy could see it- Amy tiptoed over to Raye's closet, listening to the hesitant squeak of the hinges as she pulled it open. With a soft sigh she perused the selection, finally settling on a soft pink slip-dress and white blouse. She pulled the garments off of their hangers, hearing the soft whisper of the fabric against her fingertips. Quickly she changed, glancing over her shoulder to see if Raye had awakened yet. She hadn't even changed her position. Amy rolled up the futon and folded her blankets neatly, placing them in their spot at the bottom of the closet. When that was complete, she smoothed out her clothing as best as she could and hung them over the back of a chair. When the room finally looked as it had before she'd arrived, Amy gave a satisfied smile, and sat down at Raye's desk. Pulling out a sheet of stationary from the top drawer, Amy proceeded to write her a note. * * * Raye stretched lazily and glanced at the clock on her nightstand. It read 10:46; she hadn't intended to sleep so late. However, she was glad that for once in the past couple of weeks she had been able to have a good night's rest. She looked over at the makeshift bed where Amy had slept, half- expecting her friend to be staring at her with a smile on her face for having awakened at such an hour. However, the floor where Amy had slept was bare, and she was gone. The only evidence that she had been there at all was the faded blue skirt and blouse hanging over the back of Raye's desk chair. Wherever Amy was, she was naked. Raye laughed at the thought. She threw off her covers groggily and put on a pair of slippers, pausing only briefly in front of the mirror to fix herself up bit. When she finally decided she was presentable, she headed into the kitchen. Chad was there, fixing himself something to eat. With his back to her, he didn't see her at first. Raye debated saying anything to him. The last time they had spoken, there had been that awful fight... As it turned out, Raye didn't have to say a thing. Chad turned around to grab a knife and saw her standing there. "Hey." He greeted, a little shyly, Raye thought. Raye forced a small smile. "Hi." She paused. "Do you know where Amy is?" Chad fished in his pocket for something, his tongue perched between his teeth in his search. Soon, he pulled out a folded sheet of paper. Raye recognized it as a sheet of the stationary Mina had given her the Christmas before. "Uh.. yeah," he said, "she left you this note." He passed it to her silently, turning back to finish building his sandwich. Raye sighed softly, and unfolded it, taking in the tidy, small handwriting. Raye, Sorry I didn't wake you up before I left, you were sleeping so soundly, I didn't want to bother you. Raye smiled. Amy was so considerate. I promised Mina I'd talk to Darien, so I might not be back for a while. I borrowed one of your outfits. Hope you don't mind. I'll stop by later to drop it off before I head home. See you soon. ~Ames~ "What did she have to say?" Chad questioned through a mouthful of salami. He leaned over the sink, devouring his sandwich hungrily. "Oh, nothing much. She'll be visiting an old friend today." Raye paused. It had been the longest sentence she'd spoken to him since their earlier fight. Chad nodded, and swallowed heavily, washing his meal down with a strong swig of orange juice. A moment of awkward silence passed as he stared at her, trying to discern her mood. "Raye... I'm sorry that I said all those mean things to you," he said finally, breaking the quiet. His smile was small but sincere. Raye was a little surprised at his words. She hadn't expected an apology. "I'm... sorry too." "It's been tearing me up inside," he continued, his hands moving expressively. "I can't stand that we're fighting." He placed a gentle hand on her shoulder and stared at her. She could see his eyes now from where she was standing. Sparkling and dark green; it was easy to forget sometimes how penetrating his gaze could be. He hesitated with what he had to say next. "The thing is, you're probably the best friend I've got in this world. I love you, and I would *never* intentionally hurt you in any way." Raye wanted to cry. She wanted to believe Chad so much, but she couldn't. He had hurt her, and she refused to forget that. She wondered briefly if the love he spoke of was love like he felt for Lita. But she was only kidding herself. He would never love her as more than a friend. That was clear now. "Chad, it's okay," she sighed. "We both said things we didn't mean." That was true. She didn't want to admit it, but Chad had been partly right. She *was* jealous; but not in the way Chad suspected. She wanted him, more than anything. ~Too bad it took losing him to make you realize that,~ she thought. The awkwardness of the situation was beginning to overwhelm her. Tears burned in her eyes, but she refused to let them go. This was harder than any fight she'd ever had to endure as a Sailor Scout. "Listen Raye," Chad said, noticing the tears start to well, "You know that you can talk to me about whatever's bothering you." Raye felt her throat ache. His concern was only making her feel worse, and she found that she could no longer stop the tears that she was holding back. "I know," she said. And she did. She could always talk to Chad about her problems- and usually did. But now he *was* one. * * * Chad wished he knew what was going on with Raye. It seemed the girl who was usually was so open with him was now purposely distancing herself. He sighed in frustration. "Do you want something to eat?" he asked. He hoped she would agree, so they could talk. "No thanks, Chad." She eyed the door like a trapped animal. "I'm not really hungry right now." "Well, at least will you talk to me?". He grabbed her hand, and held it tightly, not wanting her to run off like she had the night before. "About what?" she asked, already knowing the answer. "About, me and you, and what's bothering you. I want to help," he pleaded. Raye stared deeply into his eyes. His sincerity pulled at her heart. ~I love you.~ she thought. "Chad... I .... It's nothing." She stammered. She couldn't look at him. Instead, she looked at the refrigerator, the sink, the low table in the dining room. "I know something is up," he dug. "Why are you pulling away from me. Why aren't we as good of friends as we used to be?" ~Where did you go?~ "I'm fine. We're still friends. I..." She was searching for an escape. Anything to get her away from this situation. She couldn't tell him how she felt. She couldn't betray Lita ~But she can betray you?!~ like that. It was wrong. "Raye. Please. Tell me." Raye was fighting a mental battle- and Chad was battling for her trust. "It's very complicated right now. I can't." She attempted to walk away, but he held her fast. He knew better. "Let me help you." Raye tried to jerk away from him. "You can help me by leaving me alone," she snapped. His stunned look stopped her, and she softened her tone. "Look, I know I can talk to you..." she trailed off... "about anything. I will. I just can't right now." She pulled her hand away. "*Please* try to understand." He touched her arm gently. He knew that if he pressed her any further it would end up like last time. Instead he decided to leave it. She would tell him in her own time. Chad held his arms out for a hug, and Raye paused reluctantly. Then, slowly she moved into his embrace. He inhaled the intoxicating sent of her hair. Chad loved the way she felt in his arms and the feeling of her small hands resting softly on his waist. She relaxed in the comfort and safety of his arms. Raye felt that she could stay like this forever. "Knock- knock." A voice broke the silence, and Chad looked up. "Lita!" He exclaimed. He looked shocked, like a child caught with his hand in the cookie jar. "I hope I'm not interrupting anything." Lita said. She put on a false smile and tried to ignore the way they looked together. As if *they* were the couple. "I'm going to pick up the movies for tonight. I was wondering what you would like me to get." "Huh? Oh, I'll go down town with you." Chad said. Suddenly, he became all too aware of the figure he held in his arms. Quickly, he moved out of the embrace. "Hi, Raye. How's it going?" Lita said, a little too cheerfully. Raye could see she was hoping for an explanation. "Uh... Fine." She backed away from Chad slowly, as if he would bite her. "I have to go clean the fire pits now." She rushed out of the room quickly. Chad watched her go in silence. When he could see her through the window, she was heading towards the shed where the shovels were kept. "Well," he said cheerfully, as Lita looked at him in confusion, "Let's go." * * * Amy smoothed the front of the slipdress she wore and pressed the button at the doorway to Darien's apartment building. She had arrived there at a little after eleven and hadn't been in to see him yet. Within moments, a deep male voice could be heard over the intercom. "Darien here." He had a smooth, likeable voice, much different from the deep authoritative tone he used as Tuxedo Mask. "What can I do you for?" "Darien, it's Amy." Her tone was soft and pleasant, even through the static-y intercom. There was a long pause, and the buzzer signalling her to open the door sounded. "Come on up." * * * "Hello, Amy. It's been a while." Darien closed the door behind her and took her coat, placing it on a nearby hook. "Yes, well, Mina asked me to come," Amy replied shyly. "I'm sorry if I'm interrupting anything." "No, no not at all," he assured. They headed into the living room, and Darien offered her a seat. "Can I offer you anything? Coffee? Tea?" "Tea would be nice, please," Amy replied politely. Darien smiled, and headed into the kitchen where he put water on to boil. He returned several moments later and sat in an armchair opposite Amy. "What is it you came to talk to me about?" he asked finally, reclining comfortably in his chair. His hair was mussed as usual, and fell into his midnight blue eyes in arrogant waves. Amy had to strain to make them out. "Well," she began, getting straight to the point, "Mina told me yesterday what's happened between you and Serena-" "-and she's convinced you to come over and talk some sense into me," he finished with a roll of the eyes. "She's getting worse every day." The insistent whistle of the kettle could be heard from the kitchen suddenly. Darien raised his index in a 'wait a minute' gesture, and ran back into the kitchen. Soon he returned, carrying a tray of teacups and muffins, and he placed it in front of her. "She's concerned, that's all," Amy continued. "After all, Serena and you are-" "-destined to be together." Darien nodded as he finished her sentence for the second time. "Amy, I've spoken to Mina. I've spoken to Lita, and I've spoken to Raye. I've even spoken to Luna and Artemis. But the fact is, my feelings have changed." He paused. "Do you have any idea what it's like to be... forced to love someone? To have the future mapped out to the point that the entire universe depends on your procreation with another person? I can't live a life that's been planned for me." Amy nodded. "I understand," she said. "But if you and Serena split up... The future may never come to be." "God, do you think I don't know that?" Darien stood up quickly, running his hand through his hair angrily. "Do you think I don't think about that every waking minute? That because of me, a little girl who I love more than life-*my* child- may never be born?" He closed his eyes. "Than take Serena back! You can fix it!" "Amy, you don't understand! The love is gone!" He moved over to the window and looked out over the city. "You don't mean that," Amy said quietly. Darien spun to face her. "This is hard for me too," he said. "Do you think it isn't? To have no one understand what I'm going through, to have the scant few who I could explain things to turn their back before I do? It's hard, Amy." He rubbed his temples with the first two fingers of his hands. For a few moments, Amy said nothing. Then, she stood up from the couch for the first time since she'd arrived there. "I understand," she said finally. And she smiled, gently, the sympathetic smile she was known for. Darien stopped massaging his forehead, and looked at her. "Really?" he asked. Amy nodded slowly. "You do?" "Darien, I care a lot about what will happen in the future, and I know you do too. But I also know that you're right. To be expected to follow certain guidelines is more or less like being in an arranged marriage. It *should* be your decision. So I won't press that issue anymore,". She walked up to him and put her hand on his shoulder. "But I have faith in you. I know that sooner or later, whether you realize it or not, you *will* make the right decision. And, as your *friend*, and not a sailor scout, I will be behind you. I promise." Darien smiled. "Amy, you're the first person to understand me. Thank you. I have a lot of respect for that." Amy smiled back softly. "You're a good friend." "I try." Amy and Darien both laughed, and Darien glanced through the window to a cafe across the street. "Listen Amy, forget about the tea and muffins. What do you say we get out of here? We'll get something real to eat. We'll talk." Amy nodded. "That sounds good," she said. "Let's go." With a hand on the small of her back, he guided her to the doorway, unhanging her coat and handing it to her gallantly. "How does soup sound?" * * * The last fire pit was nearly cleaned when Raye heard the phone ring. She brushed a strand of hair out of her eye, smearing a small line of soot across her cheek and sighed. Thrusting her shovel deep enough into the earth to keep it standing, she ran into the shrine. "Hello?" she answered, catching it on the fifth ring. "Raye, it's Mina." A perky young voice greeted her though the receiver. "Can I ask you a huge favor?" * * * "Thank you so much for picking me up, Raye." Mina limped through the hospital door Raye held open for her. "I would have gotten Jeff to do it, but he's really busy now, and-" "Think nothing of it," Raye laughed. "You should have called earlier- I was in no hurry to finish those fire pits." The two of them walked slowly down the cement stairs in front of the hospital, enjoying the sunlight. There was a moment of silence. "So, how are you handling things, Raye?" Mina asked finally. Raye turned her head to look at her. "Huh? What are you talking about?" They kept in step with each other, neither in any hurry to get to Raye's vehicle. "Lita." Mina reached into her pocket, pulled out some chapstick, and put it on quickly. "Lita," Raye repeated. She stopped, and so did Mina. "Listen Mina, I'm okay with it, if that's what you're getting at." "I'm not saying you're not," Mina replied, tossing her hair. "I was just trying to make conversation." "Whatever," Raye sighed. "Really, you must think I'm stupid or something." Mina rolled her eyes, "You know me too well. Are you sure you don't mind? You and Chad have been close for years. I just thought-" "-That I would be bugged by it. Mina, I'm a big girl. This is nothing. Besides, *he* was the one who liked *me*. If anything I should be glad he's finally-" "Now who thinks who's dumb?" Mina retorted. "It's eating you alive, I can tell." She smiled sympathetically, and Raye didn't respond. Instead, she turned to begin walking. Mina followed her, matching her stride for stride. "Well," Raye said slowly, "it may have bothered me at first... I mean, it's hard to admit to yourself that you're not loved anymore." There was a pause. "But if he's happy, I am too. That's all there is to it." "I don't believe you," said Mina. "After all this time, to lose him to a friend of yours... I don't think you can dismiss it that easily." A strange urge to pummel her friend struck Raye, but she immediately pushed it to the back of her mind. She was already bruised up pretty bad. Besides, Raye thought, she was right. She wasn't entirely over it. But there was no way she would admit it. "I can. And I have." Raye said. "I can prove it. Chad and Lita were going to rent a few movies for the night. They invited me to join them. Why don't you and Jeff show up?" "I don't know," Mina replied. "We were going to go out for dinner, and then-" "Come on," Raye pressed. "You can do that later. Amy might be there, and you two can catch up. Come on, it'll be fun." "All right, I'll come," Mina sighed. "But only to prove you are *so* not over Chad." * * * Darien laughed, and wiped his mouth with a napkin. "So, tell me, when did you decide to become a doctor?" Amy took a sip of her water and smiled. "Haven't I told you this before?" she asked. Darien laughed again. "Probably. Tell me anyway." "Well, as you know, my mother's a doctor," Amy began. "Her career's always fascinated me, I guess." She laughed, "Anyway, that's dumb. Why'd *you* decide to go into medicine?". "That's a long story," he sighed. "Short version? I guess it started when I was just a kid. My parents had died in a car crash when I was eight, and when I came to, I was in a hospital. There was this one doctor there. Dr. Yamaguchi. She was tall, beautiful, and the kindest woman I'd ever met. She spent hours a day in my room, making sure I had everything I needed. It helped ease the pain a lot; I mean, I felt like she really cared about me." He smiled at the memory. "She wrote me often after I left the hospital, and I started to feel a lot better. After a while, I decided I wanted to do that too to help people live their lives." He laughed to himself. "I've never told anyone that. Not even Serena. I guess it's kind of dumb, isn't it?" Amy put a hand over his, and smiled gently. "Not at all," she assured. "I'm glad you told me." "Well, you're an easy person to talk to," said Darien. "I could never imagine myself talking to Serena this way." He sighed. "All Serena ever wanted to talk about was us. Our future, our marriage, our children. She never bothered to learn about me, the person she planned on doing these things with." "That was her mistake," said Amy. "You're a great guy." Their eyes met across the table, and he held her gaze momentarily. "Well, I'd better go," said Amy finally. "Raye's probably wondering where I went." "Yeah," said Darien quickly. He stood up. "I'll walk you to your car." "Okay." Amy stood up too, and grabbed her coat from the back of her chair. "Let's go." They walked out of the restaurant, and Darien paid for their meals, politely refusing when Amy offered to pay her share. Then, they headed down the street, towards Darien's apartment. Amy could almost forget that the man in her company was her friend's ex. He seemed different somehow. It occurred to Amy, a little shamefully, that she had simply never bothered to look for this side of him before. Finally, they reached the apartment building where Darien lived. They stopped in front of Amy's car, each waiting for the other to say something. "I've had a-" "-This has been a-" They both began speaking at the same time. Darien laughed. "I'm sorry. You go first." "I've had a nice time today, Darien," she said with a smile. "It's been a while since I could sit down, and just talk, like we did." "I had a nice time, too," Darien agreed. "Thank you for being willing to hear my side. For being a friend." Amy laughed. "You make it seem like we won't see each other anymore." She tossed him a wide smile. "Of course we will, promise," he said. Amy fished in her pocket for her keys and turned to face him again. "Goodbye," she said, and he opened his arms for a hug. With a laugh, she moved into them, and they hugged like old friends. When they parted, his arms were still around her waist. Darien looked deep into her eyes, before he leaned forward to place a gentle kiss on her forehead. Slowly, he pulled away and smiled. Suddenly, a strange urge struck him, and he moved forward yet again to kiss her on the tip of her nose. Gradually, he moved down, and kissed her cheek, her jaw. Her mouth. Before, she knew it, she was responding to the kiss, her lips moving in sync with his- his tongue parting them to explore her mouth passionately. He pulled her close, and she didn't resist, pressing against him. Behind them, pedestrians walked by as usual, several muttering about 'those young people'. As he kissed her firmly, a voice in her head told her it was wrong- that she should stop. But her heart told her not to, and she sighed into his mouth, not caring. -------------------------------------------- The End, Chapter Two AN: Standard disclaimer applies. This story is dedicated to all the authors out there that have taken a chance and refused to be bound by the traditional rules. It's for those writers who've crashed through barriers and put out fanfiction that is just a little bit different. For all of you, I offer this humble piece of work. I hope one day, I'll be more like you. It's also for Moon Senshi, our fabulous editor. Thanks for your help, girl! The end result was well worth the time it took you to finish.