Don't worry, this is a comedy. After the less than stellar mail I got on my last story, "Moonfall" (the phrase 'you suck' kept coming up), I decided to spend some time indulging my more irreverent side. It may not be "War and Peace", but it's a fun little story. If you'd like to write to me at Mearari@aol.com, I'd very much appreciate it. I always answer my mail – even the hate letters! "Blessed Event" By Meara Chapter One – "Pregnant Pause" This was the toughest and most tenacious opponent Usagi had faced in years. She pulled, tugged and cursed at the foul menace, but to no avail. It invaded her mouth, preventing her from taking a deep breath. It clung to her face, obscuring her vision. Usagi fought with the spirit of a true Senshi – resolute and undaunted. With a mighty heave she pulled as hard as she could and was rewarded with the sensation of movement. The dress finally cleared her distended belly and slid into place. Pushing her arms through the sleeves, the Queen of Earth and the Moon tugged at the fabric around her neck. Usagi looked at her very pregnant body in the mirror of her dressing table. "I'm as big as a house!" she moaned. "All I need to complete this outfit is one of those 'oversized load' bumper stickers!" Mamoru's voice wafted in from the large bathroom that adjoined the bedroom. "Need some help, Usako?" She looked down at her swollen feet and ankles. "I look like beached whale and I'm going to need a backhoe to wedge me into my shoes." Mamoru was still fiddling with his bow tie as came to give her a quick kiss on the cheek. "You look beautiful the way only expectant mothers can. Besides, I like that dress, it's very elegant. The color matches your eyes, too." Usagi reached up and batted away his fingers away from the tie. After all the years he spent as Tuxedo Kamen, you'd think he would be able to do his own tie, she mused. "Wonderful" mumbled Usagi as she pulled the tie into place. "I'll be the best dressed whale at the dinner tonight." Mamoru gave the tie one last tug. "You're eight and a half months along. Give yourself a break, sweetheart." "It feels like I have a blimp tied to my stomach. I'm going to need two seats at dinner tonight. One for me and one for my belly!" Mamoru laughed as he reached down to gently rub her stomach. "You're in a fine mood tonight. I told you to take a nap this afternoon." Usagi sighed as her husband's hands moved to her lower back. "I tried to rest, but as soon as I do the baby starts to dance. She keeps poking me in the bladder whenever I lay down these days." He leaned into her and she moaned with relief. "Oh, that feels good. Let's bag out on the dinner and you can just rub my back for the next two days, ne?" Mamoru slipped a practiced hand back over her abdomen. "I think the baby may have dropped a little. Have you seen Ami today? She should check you." He looked worried for a moment. "Maybe we should cancel the reception, Usako." "I wish; but we really can't do that." replied Usagi with genuine regret. "And besides, this the last public function until the baby is born. If we suddenly cancel it the whole world's going to think something's wrong." Mamoru gave her a hug. "I don't care about the whole world right now. I care about you. Oh, and I care about you too." he cooed to Usagi's belly. He was rewarded for his effort by a kick the baby gave. He felt it as he held his wife and smiled. "Not even born and this little one is all ready talking back to me." Usagi laughed at his aggrieved tone. "She's reminding us not to be late for dinner. Come on my dashing hero, help me with my shoes." ******************** Aino Minako slowly opened a door that led into the Crystal Palace's great hall a crack. She peered out into the rapidly filling room with trepidation. After scanning the crowd a moment, she saw - Him. He was pretty hard to miss after all. The burnt gold lame tuxedo he was wearing made him look a giant Hershey's kiss. The bow tie at his neck was an iridescent blue. It was so painfully bright that it looked like someone had tied a light bulb around him. Mina half expected it to start blinking as if to warned people to stay clear of the fashion disaster that he was! At least, Mina thought, he hadn't been waiting for her outside of her private apartment within the great crystal palace. By and large she loved living here. Not only did the address look great on her resume, but also the free rent made it the cheapest place in town. It was spacious, luxurious, fully furnished and had it own private garden. A private garden that unfortunately backed up to one that was occupied by the current ambassador from the race known as the S'Eyre. The ambassador, one Prince Jameth (Mina winced as she remembered that the recitation of his various tittles went on bloody well forever!) was bound and determined to have a Princess of the Silver Millenium to wife. After a long and harrowing battle of wits, Mamoru had finally gotten the man to accept that Usagi was not open for the position. For a reason Mina could never quite fathom, Jameth had set his sights on her. Of all the handsome, single men that she ran into on a regular basis, she had to end up being pursed by a man with the fashion sense of Bozo the Clown. Someone up there must really have it in for her. Closing the door with a grumble, Sailor Venus looked briefly at the small clock on the wall. It was almost ten minutes before eight. Usagi and Mamoru would be down any moment now. It still sometimes amazed her that Mamoru had finally hit on a method of arriving at any given occasion on time. He simply pushed the clocks in their private rooms up by fifteen minutes. Mako entered, on time and gave her friend a smile. "Hey Mina! I'm filling in for Mars tonight. She's not feeling too well." "Is Rei all right?" Asked Mina, worried. Mako nodded her head as she walked toward the door Venus had been peering out of a moment ago. "Just some kind of stomach bug, I think. Yuri-kun says she should be better in a day or so. How's the crowd look?" "A likely story." Said Mina with a smile, "I'll bet the lovebirds are just spending a little 'quality time' together!" Since Rei had announced her engagement to Yuiricho, the fiery senshi of Mars spent a lot of the time with a secret, satisfied smile on her face. Mina could guess what was keeping her that way. Sailor Jupiter tried to reach for the doorknob when Mina leaned over and gave her hand a slap. "No peeking!" "Jameth's out there, isn't he?" said Mako laughed as she ignored the slap and cracked open the door. "Yep! There he is in the orange tin foil suit with the blue tie. Awww, he's in your colors, Venus! Isn't that sweet?" Mina pushed the door shut. "Don't enjoy this too much, Mako. Your turn will come soon enough." Makoto only laughed harder. "He's definitely getting to you girlfriend. What did he do this time – arrange to have the Mormon Tabernacle Choir sing "Love Me Tender" beneath your window again?" Mina refused to rise to the bait. "Where's Setsuna anyway? She was supposed to be here about now." "She'll be here." Mako said. "I've never known her to be late to anything – ever. What ever had held her up must be important." ******************** Setsuna stared at the Timegate for a long moment before shutting it down. The ethereal double doors slowly closed then evaporated into a mist that rushed into the Senshi of Pluto. She sighed as the gate resettled itself within her soul. Five times - five different visions, this was not right. The implications bothered the normally unflappable Senshi of Pluto. She was going to have to tell Usagi and Mamoru as soon as possible. Unfortunately, this kind of news was never taken very well. The familiar fuku faded as Setsuna let her transformation go with a loud sigh. The gown she was wearing was of her own design and based on an antique Imperial S'Eyre court dress. It was exotic to the untrained eye and flattered her lithe, elegant form. It had been decided that the existence of Sailor Pluto would be kept secret. The fewer people who knew about the Timegate, the better it was for all. There was always some whacko out there that might be tempted to try and change the past. Consequently, her turn for bodyguard "duty" involved working the crowd on nights like this. If someone were going to make trouble, the visible Senshi on duty would have the advantage of Setsuna as a surprise in reserve. As she put up her hair in a simple chignon, Setsuna wondered why it seemed that she always had the unpleasant task of telling folks what they didn't want to hear? Just when had the "Powers That Be" changed her job description to read, "Guardian of the Timegate, Senshi of Pluto and Bearer of News That Sucks", anyway? Calling the Timestaff, Setsuna concentrated on it and it began to shrink. Slowly it took the shape of a key on a silver chain. She placed it around her neck and with the touch of a fingertip to it, opened a portal. Venus and Jupiter, in uniform, were waiting for her as stepped back into the everyday world. Schooling her face into one that was virtually impossible to read, she moved to join them. "Right on time as always." Remarked Makoto with a smile of greeting. "Nice dress, Setsuna." Added Mina. Pluto glanced down at herself. "I hope I hit the right balance with this outfit. I'm supposed to be able to more or less blend in with the crowd tonight." The door to one of the palace's inner corridors opened to reveal Usagi and Mamoru. Usagi was moving in a precise, oddly graceful and studied fashion that indicated that her center of gravity had shifted to somewhere around her knees. Mamoru kept glancing at her out the corner of his eye, as if she was made of glass. Or, Setsuna thought, as if Usagi might pop when he wasn't looking! "A good evening to you both." Said Setsuna in an even tone. "Give me five minutes, please, and then make your entrance." Mamoru watched the Senshi of Pluto as she left. There was something in her tone of voice that caused him unease. He made a mental note to speak with her later. Setsuna could be secretive to the point of paranoia sometimes. He'd find out what was bothering her and fix it later. ******************** When working a reception like this, Setsuna always made it a practice to go to Jameth first. She's speak with him in the S'Eyre language as the Ambassador kissed her hand. They'd spend a few minutes exchanging pleasantries(and the occasional lecture from Setsuna about the inappropriateness of hiring a boys choir to serenade Mina!) in that exotic tongue. That display, combined with her unusual style of dress, would give the people in the crowd the impression that she was somehow associated with the S'Eyre consulate. This gave her a label that allowed her do things that might otherwise seem a little strange. And if Setsuna asked questions that were out of the ordinary, well that was just another of those "alien" differences. That and the fact that some folks just assumed that they she didn't speak the local language all that well. It was amazing what they'd say if they thought that she couldn't understand them. Setsuna was still speaking with Jameth when the Sargent at Arms entered the room and rapped his large oaken staff three times on the marble floor. "Her Majesty, Serenity, Queen of Earth and the Moon, Holder of the Silver Imperium Crystal and Champion of Justice!" Gordon MacLaren brought the staff down three more times before his deep Scots accented voice filled the hall. "His Majesty, Endymion, King of Earth and the Moon!" Usagi felt like one of those floats from a Thanksgiving Day parade she'd watched as a child – large and infinitely amusing. Or worse yet, like one of those supertankers coming into port. Usagi's imagination supplied little, cartoon tugboats circling her manned by several burly men with a strong resemblance to "Popeye the Sailor Man". People bowed, and "ohhed" and "aahhed" while she proceeded down the aisle on Mamoru's arm. She would have sworn she could see her belly bobbing up and down like it was on springs. Mina was walking in front of her and Usagi couldn't help but notice with envy that she looked so thin, so lithe, and so very un-pregnant. As they passed the spot where Setsuna stood with Jameth, the S'Eyre prince gave Venus a puppy dog look of utter rapture. Mina glared back at him thinking evil things. Setsuna closed her eyes and gave a long-suffering shake of her head. It was shaping up to be a great evening. In deference to the Queen's condition, she was seated in a chair rather than stand in a long and tiring reception line. She smiled and smiled and smiled as, for the millionth time just that night, people asked is she knew what she was having as they stared at her abdomen. As if, Usagi mused, something other than a boy or girl was an option. The temptation to yell out, "Actually the Doctors tell me I'm having a pickup truck!" was sometimes very strong. Finally, everyone was greeted, thanked or just smiled at (some people froze up when the moment to talk to her arrived), Mamoru helped Usagi haul herself out the chair and to the head table. She first felt it as the shrimp cocktail was served. It was like someone had taken her navel and decided to twist it. Usagi tried to dismiss it as gas or hunger pangs - anything but what was running through her head. The pain continued right through the shrimp and into the salad course. By the time the salmon was put in front of her, Usagi knew she had to say something. "Mamo-chan…" She whispered, reaching for his hand under the table, "I think something's happening." He swallowed his mouthful of fish and looked at her. "What do you mean 'something's happening'?" She smiled and nodded her head as if everything was fine. "I'm having this pain…" She pulled his hand, still under the table, on top of her belly. "…Right here and it's not stopping." His hand felt her abdomen constrict. "Pain?" He repeated automatically. "What kind of pain?" She faked a light laugh, "I don't know. The kind of pain that hurts! I think I'm going into labor." "Labor?" The fixed smile faded from Mamoru's face. Mina's head snapped around at the sound of the word. "Labor?" Makoto, on the opposite side of Usagi added her voice to the chorus, "Labor?" Another contraction caused her abdomen to stiffen again under Mamoru's hand. He pulled it back as if it had been burned. "You're in labor?!" "Will everyone please stop saying that and help me get out of here." Said Usagi. "Unless you want me to give birth in front of several hundred guests!" she gave her hand a wave. Venus and Jupiter stood up in such perfect synch that it seemed prearranged. As Mamoru assisted Usagi to her feet they pulled back a large tapestry that covered the wall in back of the head table. Holding it back, the King and Queen disappeared through a small door hidden in the wall. Sargent MacLaren caught Makoto's eye and gave a quick point at his stomach. She nodded once before looking both ways, then stepping through the door and locking it after them. A murmur went up through the room. MacLaren moved down the large center aisle and went to the head table. The sight of the six-foot tall Scot in a formal dress kilt tended to grab attention – and so did his very hairy legs. He brought the oaken staff down three times sharply, enjoying the way all conversation stopped as he did so. "Ladies and Gentlemen, their Majesties tend their deep regrets at this sudden departure. They hope that you will accept their apologies at such an abrupt end to the evening. Her Gracious Majesty, Neo-Queen Serenity is in labor." The hum of voices swelled again at the news. MacLaren simply stood there silently until the noise had stopped. "They also ask for your prayers this night, that with God's help, this blessed event may go well." ******************** "False labor." Said Ami succinctly as she stripped off a pair of latex gloves with a snap. "Are you sure, Ami?" asked Mamoru as he sat beside the bed Usagi was in. "It feels real to me." Usagi was beyond surprised as she put her legs down again. Somehow Usagi had never thought that the day would come when all her conversations with Ami would begin with the phrase, 'I need to look at your cervix'. It still seemed very odd to let one of even her best friends see parts of her that the sun didn't on a regular basis. Ami moved to wash her hands. "I'm sorry Usagi-chan, but your cervix isn't dilated beyond the two centimeters it was yesterday. False labor is fairly common. The contractions should go away on their own in little while. The baby isn't coming tonight." "Would you mind staying just a little longer Ami, to be safe?" Mamoru was not totally convinced that the pains would stop. "Of course I'll stay." she replied with a soft smile. "But you'd better have someone tell the press outside the palace that Chibi-Usa isn't going to arrive tonight." Usagi sighed unhappily. Another contraction gripped her, but Ami was right. This one was less painful. She ran a gentle hand over her rounded abdomen. "I'm sorry my Small Lady, but you're just going to have to learn to be patient. This is not your day to born." She said softly. Mamoru rose from his place beside the bed and leaned over to give his wife a tender kiss. "You just rest here. I'll go talk to Mina about a press release, ne?" ******************** Mamoru couldn't decide who was more disappointed that the baby wasn't coming tonight – He and Usagi or the small group of friends waiting for him in the library. Rei had hightailed it over to the palace after being altered to the situation by Mina. She was slightly green around the edges and the Senshi of Venus felt a little guilty about her earlier comment. It seemed Rei really wasn't felling well. "Oh well," sighed Mina slowly, "I'll go write a short press release then go face that pack of newshounds. I think I'd rather have a root canal done than have to tell them that there's no new princess tonight." Setsuna had seated herself in a large chair by a window. It was a perfect spring evening and she'd been looking at the stars as she was thinking. Mina's comment brought her up sharply. "You haven't told the media that the baby is a girl have you?" "No!" Laughed Mina. "But maybe I should give them that tidbit to keep them off my back. Ever since news of the pregnancy was released, I've received more 'presents' – read that as bribes by the way – in exchange for the exclusive on whether it's a boy or a girl. Don't worry, I've sent every gift back unopened. These folks just don't want to wait like the rest of the world." Mamoru gave her a pat on the shoulder. "Well, at least we know that Small Lady will be coming in the next few weeks." He turned and looked at Pluto. "Right Setsuna?" he asked in a lighthearted manner. Mamoru's question surprised her. Oh no, she thought, here comes the "Bearer of News That Sucks" part of my job. She looked at him silently for a long moment as she struggled to find the right words. "Actually, I've been meaning to talk to you and Usagi about that." she finally said. ******************** "Come on Usako, you can do this. Push!" Mamoru encouraged his wife. He had crawled into the bed with her and was supporting her upper body against his chest. "Take a deep breath and push!" Usagi gritted her teeth and balled her hands into fists as she screeched with effort. "The head is crowning Usagi-chan! Again - push again!" came Ami's voice from the foot of the bed. She leaned out from the cover of the sheets pooling around Usagi's propped up knees and gave her huge smile. "Come on champion of love and justice, push!" Mamoru hugged his beloved close. "Come on, Usako, one more time!" Usagi took a deep breath even as she gave a stinging slap to the part of husband that was the easiest to reach. "This is all your fault! No more sex – ever!" The sentence ended in a scream as Usagi pushed for all she was worth. The sound of a baby's delicate cries filled the air. Usagi collapsed against Mamoru who leaned forward and kissed her head. "You did it, Usako!" There were tears of joy running down his handsome face. "It's a girl!" came Ami's shout, "A new Princess for the Moon Kingdom and Earth!" "Let have her Ami, please…" said Usagi, tired but happy, "Let me have my Small Lady." Dr. Ami Mizuno beamed with an Aunt's pride as she handed a tiny bundle wrapped in a soft, clean blanket to her mother. "She's beautiful, Usagi-chan, congratulations." With infinite tenderness Usagi cradled the baby in her arms. Mamoru leaned close and gently pulled the blanket back to get a better look. He stroked the tiny cheek and the baby girl opened her eyes to look at him. "Oh Mamo-chan…" whispered Usagi, her heart bursting with love for her daughter, "…She looks just like you!" From her thick mop of soft midnight hair to her deep blue eyes, the little princess was a replica of the King of Earth. The picture of the content couple and their new child wavered and faded away. A silver mist soon covered the surface of the Timegate. Setsuna, holder of the Timegate and Senshi of Pluto slowly removed one hand from the side of the gate. She sighed heavily and opened her eyes fully. Giving Lorilei a grateful smile, she removed her other hand from her sister's embrace. "Do you understand what I was talking about now?" Asked Setsuna. "First a girl with silver hair and blue eyes." Mamoru looked like he was in shock. He turned to Usagi as if to confirm what he had just seen. "Then twins, then a son and then this last one – blue eyes and black hair." "And what's more, each time I have attempted to see the birth of your child, these four scenarios have always played out in random order." said Pluto. "The fifth one I didn't show you today is the birth of a little girl with pink hair and red eyes." Usagi was glad that Setsuna had insisted that only she and Mamoru see this. She wasn't sure she was up to sharing the implications of this news just yet. "Are you trying to say that this baby isn't Small Lady?" "No, " replied Pluto, "I'm just saying that the baby might not be who we expect." "But then again, " Lorilei finished her twin's thought, "this may indeed be Chibi-Usa." "I'm confused and my back hurts." mumbled Usagi. "Why couldn't you have to come to us sooner with these observation, Setsuna? This news is a little unsettling, not to mention that I have a nursery all done up in shades of pink!" Mamoru leaned over and began to rub his wife's lower back. "And why have things changed? From what I can remember everything is happening the way it's supposed to." "I'm sorry, but I haven't dared to try to see even the short term future before. I can attempt it now only because Lorilei is here to act as a sort of 'temporal anchor' for me." She gave her sister a fond glance. "I suspect what we just saw is possible futures. And as to why things are different now, I have a theory. When the Small Lady came into the past to train with Senshi, her presence changed the flow of the future." "I'm still confused and my back still hurts." said Usagi with a grimace. Mamoru rubbed harder. Setsuna motioned with her hands. "Imagine time is like a river. It should flow in only one direction, ne? But if you put a large rock in the river, the way the water flows is changed. It still gets where it's going, but it takes a different path." Usagi and Mamoru looked at each other as if having the same idea at the same time. "The war that's coming – the one with the people I can't quite remember – you're saying it may not happen?" asked Usagi hopefully. Setsuna smiled. For all her reputation as a scatterbrain to her friends, Usagi had a very quick mind. "Exactly! Or it may happen, but at a different time, or even with a different outcome. Remember what the King of Earth told all of you when you first went to the future? That 'those people' were trying to change the past and that it was dangerous? The future is not set in stone. It's what we choose to make it by our actions everyday." Usagi had her hands rubbing gentle circles on her belly. She stopped as she felt her baby give a kick. "We don't know what I'm having." She gave a small delighted laugh. "A baby I hope." teased Mamoru. Usagi gave him a whack; "This could be a girl or a boy! Or it could be twins – which would explain why I feel so huge. One of each sounds good." That last idea seemed to bother Mamoru a bit. "I think we'd have known if it was twins by now. Ami only hears one heartbeat when she listens, but maybe we'd better have her do another ultrasound examination just in case." As he helped Usagi to her feet she continued with her ideas. "And names – we have to think of all sorts of different names now! Maybe I'd better see about getting the nursery redone in something a little more neutral just in case it's a boy." Mamoru gave Setsuna a wave of farewell as Usagi continued to talk. They went through the portal and it shut after them. Setsuna sat down heavily in the chair the queen had occupied moments before. Lorilei came up behind her and leaned a hand on her sister's shoulder. "You know, I didn't point out that the doctors could only hear one heartbeat for the two of us before we were born. Usagi could be carrying twins." Setsuna reached up blindly and gave Lorilei's hand a pat. "And I thank you for that. Poor Mamoru seemed a little stunned by the prospect. Let's keep the twins idea to ourselves for now, okay?" ******************** Usagi hadn't stopped talking all the way back to their bedroom. Mamoru let her go on and on as he watched her strip out of the tent like maternity dress and into a once loose fitting nightshirt. It was one of his from college that had survived the great freeze but was now falling prey to Usagi's ever expanding abdomen. The last button on the bottom had popped off and the shirttails flapped open each time Usagi moved. As they climbed into the appropriately king sized bed she finally paused for breath. "You seem awfully happy for someone who's just had their future turned upside down, Usako." Mamoru commented. "Of course I'm happy!" Laughed Usagi "I have my life back! Don't you see? Ever since we woke from the freeze, I've had the nasty feeling that nothing I did really mattered. Everything was planned out and there was no changing it. I was just a lump of flesh for destiny to push around and get pregnant, but not now!" Mamoru sighed as Usagi cuddled close to him. She turned so that her belly was pressed against his side and he felt the baby move. "Yeah, now we don't know what's going to happen." Usagi sighed, already half-asleep. "Don't worry Mamo-chan. What ever comes up, we'll face it together." As Usagi drifted off to sleep Mamoru ran a soft hand over his wife's abdomen. That he could feel the baby inside move around was nothing short of wondrous to him. That this baby might be other than Small Lady made him slightly queasy. Deep in his heart, Mamoru didn't like change. In the past it had invariably meant trouble. His destiny (and he'd learned to hate that word over the years) had just taken a sharp right turn. The carefully planned, well-scripted life he'd envisioned had just turned into a crapshoot. Letting sleep take over his mind, Mamoru decided the whole unsettling idea of an unknown future was going to take time to get used to. And with Usagi so close to delivery, time was something they didn't have right now. Next: Chapter Two – "Fits and Starts"